Proof God Is Not A Woman

Ugh, got my period yesterday. Omar went and got the Clomid refilled, which means yet another funfilled month of being an absolute raging bitch to people while those lovely hormones work their way through my reproductive system. I loathe getting my period. The bloating alone makes me feel like I gained twenty pounds for three days.

How the hell did this journal become all about my cycle anyway?

Anyway, the same day I took the pregnancy test, I also discovered from the scale that I've lost twenty pounds. That's pretty amazing. I can't tell the difference, but Omar says he definitely sees it and Lori told me when I saw her a couple weeks ago that she could tell I've lost weight. So I guess there's an upside to everything.

I signed up for this program called NaNoWriMo online and basically I have to write a new book in thirty days. I put all my other stuff on hold and I've written something (so, so close to done) that's new, but I don't know how good it is. It's just a rough draft (a VERY rough draft) but it's pretty okay so far. I've got about a thousand words left to go and the deadline's tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll finish tonight when Baby Sis and I get back from the movies. We're going to see Twilight tonight because we're completely lame.

Thanksgiving was a success. Uncle CT came with the fam and my parents were here too. Daddy helped Omar put a couple outlets in today so that was interesting. And Mom unpacked the last twelve boxes that needed to be unpacked so that was good too. And knowing the test had been negative freed me up for booze. I will probably, once I'm done feeling like a bloated whale this week due to the water retention, get roaring drunk since I promised myself that if I wasn't pregnant on the first round of drugs, I'd get trashed.

Not that it will make me feel any better about it, but at least I won't be wallowing in self pity while I'm drinking because I'm in general a pretty happy drunk. Which is ironic because alcohol is a depressant.

Too many deep thoughts. Going to eat leftover turkey and stuffing and share a beer with Rock Starr before going to movies. Then I will come home and try to pound out the denouement.

I love Advil.

I Never Did Test Well

Today was day 27. The box says you can tell at least 1 day before your scheduled period. The test was negative.

Omar said to give it another week. I don't have a regular cycle usually. If I don't get a period between now and then and the next test is negative, he said we'll call the doctor and figure out where to go from there.

Today was day 27. The box says you can tell at least 1 day before your scheduled period. The test was negative.

And that says it all right there.

Dinner for Three

Eva came down for dinner tonight. Wished she could have stayed longer, but we had a nice meal at John Harvard's where not one, but two waitstaff members stopped by our table to say hi to us. We seriously go there waaay too much.

It was nice to catch up with her. She's back living up north and she hates it. She cut her hair and it looks adorable. Makes me wish I was brave enough to chop a few inches off, but my hair comes just below my shoulders and I'm too chicken to cut any more off. After I got married, I didn't cut it for like two years so it was almost to my waist when I started working at John Hancock. It was stick straight with no style and no shape. I used to twist it up into a french twist every day for work, jab it with a few pins and wear it like that because I hated how lank it looked. When I went to get it cut, she cut off like six inches or so. She layered it and it looks cute, but I used to love how sophisticated that twist looked and it's harder to do with layers because some of them don't stay in. I need half a bottle of hair spray and twice the number of pins to keep it up, even though my hair is shorter now.

Omar is doing laundry for me tonight, which is awesome because I need clean clothes and I hate doing laundry. I also found one of my candles to light today because the kitchen smelled like a sewer from the trash can. But the candle doesn't really smell like much. Oh well. At least I found one of them. I think I'm going to have to break down and actually unpack this weekend.

The Raging Bitch Returns

What is it with me lately? Last night I picked a fight with Omar and this morning I had one with Baby Sis while we were waiting for the train together. I swear to God.

I actually have a theory about this and it's not that off the wall. The way I figure it, when I worked in retail, this was the time of year I used to start to get really tense. Holiday hiring was usually awful and we were starting to get pressure on visuals and that sort of thing. Plus, you're gearing up for year end and you have to make up all the sales dollars you'd lost during the "regular" part of the year (there is no "regular" part of the year in retail, every season has its own hell). I truly think my internal clock remembers what time of year it is and how tense and uptight I used to be from now until February and it's manifesting itself even years later. It's a more complicated explanation than "my doctor put me on mild fertility drugs and now I'm fucked up" but I think it's also true. This was the time of year I used to hate most, going into holiday season.

Anyway, I'm trying to keep my shit together because work has suddenly gone mad. I think the director of my division has finally had it with the call center borrowing me and my teammates because we've been told we're off limits to the call center at least until January. My team just took on two huge projects, one of which absolutely positively no buts about it must be completed by year end (which means it probably won't get done til February because we're working on both projects on our own time since we still have our regular every day work to do). I stayed assigned to the GMWB Reset Projection (such a bitch but it's at least predictable. I know exactly what needs to be done, what fits the criteria, and how to write the adjustment up), but four other people from my team were moved from GMWB to the Death Benefit ReReg project and that's a whole other thing. Those adjustments can take days to process due to the fact you have to build a whole contract off it. I'm so relieved that one's not mine. The GMWB project is complicated enough. My deadline is technically year end, but that's only because of the tax implications if we go over it. The DB ReReg project has other issues that make it imperative it be completed before year end.

So yet another Saturday I will be spending at my desk. Making fantastic overtime, yes, buying new furniture, no. Plus, Eva's coming down from Maine Saturday night to hang out. Which means I have to figure out how to work the futon in the guest room.

Unpacked most of the boxes of books this weekend and it was like finding old friends. It's pathetic to be that excited about finding a book you haven't read in over six months because it's been packed in a box. I swear, I could start my own lending library with all the books I've got here.

Omar is watching his stupid fighting show downstairs and Baby Sis is procrastinating a paper in her bedroom. I'm supposed to be working on my NaNoWriMo piece, but I'm easily distracted by shiny objects. Like writing this instead.

While I was unpacking my books, I found my journal from high school/college, which details the beginnings of my relationship with Omar. Good Lord, was I swoony over that boy. Still am, if you want to be honest about it. As I was reading some of the entries, I was remembering some of the things I was writing about and I can't believe how long it's been since I scribbled all those things down to paper. If someone had told me that girl in that journal would turn out to be me, I would have laughed and laughed because me? I'm boring. Certainly not what that girl thought she'd be. But on other hand, I don't think that girl turned out so badly. So whatever, younger me. Maybe I'm not exciting like you thought I was going to be, but I sure as hell won't complain about where I ended up. I married Omar, after all, and we have a pretty good life.

Except for these goddamn mood swings.

A New Era

I can only quote Annie Kinsella (Amy Madigan) from Field of Dreams here:
"All right, America, I'm proud of ya!"

Seriously. We get a lot wrong. But last night, we got it so, so, so very right. Barack Obama isn't going to be an instant fix to this country's problems and he's got such a long, hard road ahead of him. But he brought hope and the promise of change to this country and I think that's why he won. We are all sick of the status quo and he is certainly not the status quo.

I am anxious to see what he can do and so very hopeful that he can fulfill his promise.

I can't wait to see how this ends up.