Second Time Around

So, I've had a little secret for a little over month now. I've just started to tell people and now that I've told my parents, I feel like it's okay to share.

I'm having a baby.

For the first time in my life, I am completely overwhelmed in the best way possible. I took the test, thinking for sure it would be negative, and was stunned when it was positive. I cried all night and could barely get the words out when I called Omar to tell him. He was pretty speechless too.

We've just started to tell friends and extended family and everyone's joy for us has been so touching.

I alternate between feeling completely shitty and just merely shitty. Pregnancy is exhausting. I am tired all the time. I have weird food cravings and even weirder aversions (such as a desperate need for tater tots and cheetos, which I have not eaten since college, and a firm aversion to spinach and salmon, which I eat on a regular basis). I also find myself repulsed by water at times, so it's weird. I pee all the time, sleep when I am not peeing, and try desperately not to lose my cookies on the train and all over my desk. I've been lucky in the sense that I've only actually thrown up once, but running in three inch heels to the can at work in order to do so has not actually been as discreet as I was trying to be.

Omar has been a saint. I cannot emphasize that enough. I was pretty miserable the first couple weeks and am just starting to feel better now, but I can't even tell you how much of a difference he has made for me. He's also adorable, the way he talks to Baby Starr all the time.

We had our first ultrasound to make sure it wasn't twins (it wasn't, thank the Lord) and got to hear the heartbeat for the first time. The doctor says the baby's doing really well and that I am too. Still, I can't wait for September 4 to come so I can meet this tiny little person inside me. It makes me teary even to think about it, but I love this little thing so much and it's not even here yet. It scares me how much I will love him or her when s/he finally arrives.

It's enough to make up for all the absolutely awful parts of pregnancy to know that at the end of this, my baby will be here and I'll finally get to meet this little person who's part of me and part of Omar.