Long Couple Months

Baby Starr is about the most exciting thing we have going here these days. It's difficult to explain how terrified, excited, apprehensive, and joyous we are about this baby. Every day revolved around Baby Starr. How much he or she moved, how much sleep I did or did not get, whether or not I am adequately hydrating, etc. It is exhausting to be me and also to be a mom-to-be. I sometimes feel that me has gotten lost in Baby Z and I worry that I will become one of those boring women who have nothing else to talk about besides my kid. I remember when I was interesting, knew about politics, current events, and pop culture. Now I'm more up on what kind of cribs Babies R Us sells.

This is not say that I don't keep up with things, because I do. I am well versed on Sonia Sotomayor and Susan Boyle and American Idol, etc. But when you tend to fall asleep by 9:30 every night, you miss a lot.

Things have not been easy here lately. Omar's mother had major surgery to remove her spleen, part of her stomach, and part of her pancreas. The resulting tests revealed non Hodgkins lymphoma. She has just started chemo. It has been very, very hard on Omar, especially since his dad's lung cancer diagnosis last fall. His dad has been given a clean bill of health, especially since the removal of part of his lung, but everyone is very emotional about this. It has been especially hard on Omar. He has a lot of responsibilities pulling at him right now, not the least of which is his desire to be a good husband and a good son. I suppose I don't make it easy on him because I need a lot of his time right now to help me make decisions about things for the baby. And he feels like his parents need him too. It has not been an easy balance and at times I feel a little resentful that his attention needs to be elsewhere, especially when he starts talking about how much his mom and dad will need him once his brother the doctor starts his residency full time. The problem is, I will need him too and it's going to be a difficult balance for us both.

We have a lot to do still. The baby comsumes every waking thought, concern, etc. It doesn't help I'm still not hungry most of the time (although I have mostly gotten over the food aversions) and I eat more because it's necessary than I want to. The heartburn is fierce and gross and I hate it. The acne on my chest, face, and back gets progressively grosser, and I can't even talk about how disgusting my feet look these days because they swell disgustingly so. I cry a lot because I look so different. Everyone keeps telling me how great I look, but I don't feel great most days. Omar has been amazing and he puts up with the crying and the insecurities better than most would. It's still somewhat overwhelming to us that pretty soon there's going to be a baby in this house.