The Magic Number

I love the holidays. So joyous, so giving, so holidayish. And yet, thank God, they're over.

So every girl (and possibly guy) has this one number that, if they ever see it on the scale, they decide right then and there to diet. Or develop an eating disorder. After the holidays, I hit that number.

I know, realistically, that the only way I'm going to lose the weight is to work out. To exercise. To do something active to keep the weight off. I loathe working out. I hate exercise. I don't know why. I just don't enjoy it. I don't get the endorphine rush that people are supposed to get when they work out. I just get rubbery legs, a sweaty hairline, and an elevated heart rate that makes me gasp. I've tried everything: aerobics, walking, stair stepper, stationary bike. And none of it makes me want to go for it. I lost weight before the wedding by using the machine we have here, but even that sucks. I forced myself to do 30 minutes a day every day for a couple weeks before the wedding, and then for like two or three days a week right before the wedding. And I lost the weight, but I didn't feel good after the exercise. I just felt tired.

Truthfully, I don't eat that badly. I probably eat more carbs than I should, but if I have a bagel for breakfast, I don't eat carbs for the rest of the day. I try to eat moderate portions. I make healthy dinners (although last night we had pancakes for dinner, which was, I must say, heavenly). I've been drinking more than I usually do, but not to excess.

It was the holidays that put most of the weight on, almost ten pounds really. Lots of candy and chips and dips and appetizer stuff that's really just empty calories. It started at Thanksgiving and went from there. There was always stuff to munch on at work and I was buying my lunch from the cafeteria there more than bringing it.

So first thing that went was lunches at the cafeteria. Booze'll be the next. I'm trying to only snack on veggies or low fat cheese or yogurt. But it is hard. I gave up soda when I was at the store, but now for caffeine consumption I'm usually drinking at least 3 a week. So I gave it up again. I'm drinking only milk, water, and tea, with the exception of OJ in the mornings. I still have an open bottle of wine to finish, but I'm trying to use it mostly for cooking (which I must be discreet with because Omar does not like when I cook with wine).

Monday night I'm making risotto for dinner. With a big salad and maybe some chicken. Although the risotto itself could be a yummy meal. I'm going through all my cookbooks and finding recipes I like, so that's good too. The other night I made oven barbequed chicken with homemade sauce. So easy to make and very, very yummy.

I'm taking the weight loss 10 pounds at a time. I'll lose these ten pounds and then I'll see where I want to go from there (probably another 10). I don't want to spend the money on Weight Watchers because a)I'm cheap and b)the meetings drive me bonkers. I know the program works, but I can't write down everything I eat. I can't measure stuff. I know how to lose the weight, I just need to put it into action.

And get that fucking number off my scale.