MAD FACE!!

Once upon a time, Amy Poehler did a hilarious impression of Avril Lavigne on Weekend Update on SNL. She called it her mad face and ever since I do the impression when irritated because it makes Omar laugh. Today, however, was a mad face day.

I really hate my job. I'm so overqualified for it, it's ridiculous. I get called into the bosses' cubicles all the time because I'm doing so great, but I'm not a freaking moron so I don't understand how other people are fucking up. How damn hard is it to answer a phone and give people information? And yet plenty of people seem incapable of doing it, so whatever. Anyway, they're going to offer me a full time job when the temp thing is up, which I will take if I can't find anything as a paralegal because I finally started school.

I will freely admit that I used school as an excuse to justify to myself why I needed to quit my crappy job in retail. However, school always seemed like a mystical far off day that I wouldn't need to worry too much about. Well, three grand and twenty-five pounds of textbooks later, I'm back in school and taking a paralegal certification course. Last night was the first probate course, tomorrow is Research and so is Saturday. It's five sections on probate, research, ethics, real estate and litigation. I'm really hoping I like litigation because that's ideally what I want to do; I want to work either for a law firm doing criminal work or maybe in a state office. It sounds good to me.

Anyway, today I talked to brokers that are stupid, clients that are stupid, and people who work in my building who are stupid. I realize I'm not the most knowledgeable person in finance. But I know the rules and I follow them. Why can't other people? Why are they so fucking STUPID??? I just can't even deal with these people most of the time. They irritate me so badly I want to throw things. Preferrably at their heads. So it's a good thing I don't actually interact with these people in person. The pleasant voice masks the rolled eyes, unladylike hand gestures, and thrown pens. So annoying.

Tonight I am watching Veronica Mars andAmerican Idol and everything else can wait. I am going to drink another beer and try not think about how messy life is.

I worry about my baby sister. I worry that I will never, ever be able to afford my own place to live and will have to stay in the rented house that smells like feet. I worry that my parents will die without a will, not be able to live on their retirements as comfortably as they've earned the right to, that they will, in short, be old and poor and then die with nothing settled. Which is totally morbid. I guess I just worry that my parents are going to be old. It makes me so uncomfortable, the thought of them aging. I don't think I can take that. And I worry that my baby sis isn't happy when that's the only thing in the world I want for her. She's one of my favorite people ever and I love her so much and it kills me when I think she's not happy. Plus, Omar just went to this house buying seminar that basically told him we don't have enough money to own a house, which makes me want to bang my head against something. I want so desperately to own something because I don't want to have a baby while we're renting.

Which brings me to the other thing: baby fever. I want one. So badly. But I refuse to raise one in a house that smells like feet and whose walls I can't paint myself.