There's Something About Lucy

Sometimes I wish were my life were different. I wish I made more money. I wish that I didn't fit into my fat jeans so often. I wish I had been more popular in high school. I wish that I weighed less, was prettier, and had a different job. I wouldn't change anything about my husband, except that he would take his allergy medication every night before bed and not just when he thinks he needs it because he snores without it.

But I know that my husband loves me the way I am, except that I'm messy and hate housework. But he knew that going into it so if he expects me to change now, he's in for a surprise. It's really only I (whoo hoo for grammatical correctness) who thinks I'm more than flawed. I mean, we all have them and everyone's well aware of mine, I'm sure.

But I must have some redeeming qualities, right? I have friends who enjoy my company, a husband who loves me, a boss who thinks highly of me, a sister who (when she's not in a mood) likes me not just because I'm her sister. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I wonder who those people who like me see. I'm not entirely without charm and I have a nice smile. But what else? And it's not something you can ask.

I asked Omar once (okay, more than once. Just because you grow out of your teens doesn't mean you automatically outgrow the insecurity) why he loves me. And he couldn't articulate it very well. But then I can't really explain why I love him either. It's more than his loving, generous heart, his sweet smile and his beautiful eyes. He's funny and sweet and he expects so much of me, but he doesn't seem disappointed when I don't meet those expectations either. I'm not even explaining it very well to myself about why I love him. I JUST DO. And that was his answer too.

So I guess there's something about me, despite what I think about myself.