Dear JJ Abrams Part Trois

Dear JJ Abrams,

I realize that you actually have nothing creatively to do with Alias any more. Yet, I feel like if you did, you would listen to me because I think we have a connection. It's like Dennis Hopper said in Speed, "I think we have trust."

JJ, I trusted you this season. You have let me down. You brought in the Blonde of the Insipid Expression and Not Vaughn. You got rid of Weiss and, holy hell, you got rid of Vaughn for more than half the season. You got rid of Vaughn. I don't know how to say this any more clearly: that was a mistake. And now that we know that Sydney knew Vaughn wasn't really dead the excuse that Vaughn's death jumpstarted Sydney's quest for season five sounds like a load of crap. It's like the Lauren thing. You said at the start of season three that Lauren would not be evil. She would sympathetic. We would like her. Then the fans turned on you (and boy did we ever turn on you. Lauren sucked even worse than Nadia) so you had to make her evil. You listened to your constituency, but you caved. I would have liked it better if you hadn't caved. Think of the emotional ramifications if she hadn't been evil!! Anyway, we're back to Vaughn not really being dead.

Of course he couldn't be dead. He is smoking hot Michael Vartan and I never really believed you were serious about firing him anyway. But, dude, JJ, the trust is gone. You lied to me about Vaughn's death motivating Sydney. Sydney knew he was dead! And now you've given Not Vaughn some stupid storyline with The Cardinal, whoever the hell that is, that will probably not be resolved in five more episodes and I'm just going to be irritated about the wasted screen time that could be going to SHMV. Bring him back to the screen and it better be soon.

Trust, JJ, is delicate. You are seriously pushing it with Lost. All the little coincidence things are starting to get cutesy and for the love of God, cut it out with the damn reruns. American Idol's going to start kicking your ass pretty soon and I would hate to see Lost get its ass beat by a bunch of mostly no talent ass clowns (Chris, Katharine and Elliot are my faves, but Elliot's going down next week. I called it from the final twelve that the final five would Chris, Taylor, Kellie, Paris, and Katharine. I totally fucking called it. Just ask Omar).

Anyway, get rid of the Blonde of the Insipid Expression and Not Vaughn. Bring back SHMV and Weiss, too, if you can swing it. And for the love of God, don't cliffhang my favorite show that got canceled because you're too busy making movies with that complete loon Tom Cruise (Suri? are you even kidding me?) just because you can. End it and end it cleanly and happily. And bring back Smoking Hot Michael Vartan.

Thank you,
Kisses,
Lucy