Happy Thought Indeed

Christmas 2011

2011-12-27T18:42:00.002-05:00

My post Christmas vacation started with a trip to the ER because Steve woke me up at 1:30 am telling me he had chest pains.

Needless to say, it's been a long day.

Christmas itself was lovely. We had both families over for Christmas Eve and it was a wonderfully loud, chaotic, enjoyable night. Thomas was thoroughly spoiled and so over stimulated. Christmas day was low key, just my parents and sister, with a nice roast beef dinner and no nap for Thomas. He collapsed at ten of eight, early for him, and the rest of us didn't make it much longer. His favorite gifts were his fire truck, his trains, and his wheelies ramp. My favorite gift is the laptop I'm using right now to type this. Best. Husband. Ever.

Who woke me up this morning at 1:30 am to tell me his hands and feet were numb and his chest was tight. We tossed the baby monitor at my sister and went to the hospital. They sent me home at 3 am after he'd been pain free for forty five minutes, but he had to stay for more tests. He was released this morning and the doctor assured us he's heart problem free. It was probably indigestion complicated by an anxiety attack. Steve's uncle died last January of a heart attack, very suddenly. It has made him anxious about his health in a way his parents' cancers haven't. The two of us have been exhausted all day, but thankfully Thomas has been low key today, wanting nothing more than to watch Follow That Bird, read books, and play with his trains and ramp and fire trucks.

I could have lived without the drama. We were supposed to take T to the aquarium and then go to a movie tonight, but we're too tired. So we'll do the aquarium tomorrow, but I doubt we'll catch a movie. Which sucks, because we really need a date night.

Where To Start?

2011-10-22T19:19:00.004-04:00

Really? Has it been nearly a year since I updated this thing? How odd. Time moves so differently these days since I had my sweet little boy. Who was really not so sweet today as it's been temper tantrum central around here. One massive meltdown this morning because Steve (formally known as Omar) made him wear a coat and one this evening because I had the audacity to ask him to come down the stairs instead of laying down on the landing.

I've decided to drop the pseudonyms. I was trying to protect the guilty, but whatever. I don't have the energy any more to try and be clever. I'm a working mom with three full-time jobs: mom, wife, corporate slave. Actually, I can't complain. My job's going really well right now and I'm doing well at it. I don't feel quite as hopeless about job advancement as I did a year ago and I know I'm doing good work.

Thomas - or Super Toddler as I refer to him on Facebook - is pretty much the awesomest thing ever. Temper tantrums and all he's still totally the best. He has such a sweet, sunny disposition and he plays so well with other kids. He's gotten into some awful habits about food - as in he refuses to eat the dinner put in from of him - but I'm hoping that once my kitchen is put back together I'll be able to get him back on track.

I am currently in kitchen renovation hell. We started over a month ago and it's still not fucking done. I can't even talk about it, I'm so incensed. Our contractor, who came so highly recommended from IKEA, is AWFUL. As soon as he's done, I'm writing a negative review on yelp or whatever I can of him. AWFUL. I've had my appliances for a week, but I can't use them because I still don't have a faucet or a water line to my fridge for my new ice maker. It's been one nightmare delay after another and I can't even talk about how much I hate them. But my new kitchen is fabulous. It is going to be beautiful once I get it all set up again. If that day ever comes.

Thomas is 2 now and he is smart, observant, tall, and the most wonderful thing I have ever done. I don't know how I got so lucky. He's not perfect - his Elmo obsession leaves me with a headache most days - but he's so much fun. I can't get enough of spending time with him. We play trucks and trains and we read books and play outside and he has such a sweet little laugh when I tickle him. He loves lawnmowers and vacuum cleaners and hockey. Except for the Elmo thing, I can't think of one thing I don't love to do with him.

My beloved Red Sox collapsed so spectacularly in September that I can't even stand to talk about it. Terry Francona is gone, Theo Epstein is gone, but John EFFING Lackey is still here (so far). They were so awful this September I couldn't bring myself to sit through a full game. It was just painful. Now with the allegations of drinking and lack of training and the general clubhouse shenanigans I feel sick about them. It makes me angry to see how a team with so much talent fell apart so completely. I will never give up on them, of course, but I think I need a break from them. Steve got me into hockey last year, so we've been watching the Bruins.

Hopefully, I'll be able to update more. I've decided to put myself through the hell that's NaNoWriMo, so we'll see how that goes.

Things That I Am Thankful For

2010-11-26T14:57:00.002-05:00

Even though Thanksgiving was yesterday, I have many reasons to be grateful, beginning with:

1. My family.
My son brings me such incredible joy and I didn't know you could love someone so much. My husband is an amazing person, a wonderful partner and a fantastic daddy. I am so blessed to have them. My parents, my sister, my extended family - they always bring me up from my lows and make me feel special.

2. My friends.
I have the greatest and most wonderful network of the most diverse group of people I can call friends. I love that no matter how much time has passed I can pick up the phone or shoot out an email and it's like we're just picking up where we left off the day before.

3. My job.
I don't love my job, but I'm grateful to have one at all.

4. My health.

5. Chocolate and alcohol.
One could not survive any of the above without those. Even the things you're thankful can make you crazy sometimes.

A Time for Remembrance

2010-09-11T19:04:00.002-04:00

Today is the ninth anniversary of 9/11. The question everyone always asks is, "Where were you? What were you doing?" etc. when you the planes hit the towers. I always find that question to be weird. Of course people are going to remember where they were, who they were with, what they were doing. It's the single most defining point of this country's modern history.

Today is not just a day to mourn, although of course that's what we do today. Today should also be day to remember and celebrate. Celebrate and remember the people who died, the heroes who rose, and the stories of everyone affected by today. But it's also a day to celebrate your own life and remember the small things. I took my son to the park today and pushed him on the swings. I made a memory today that won't hurt to look on back on.

I think if everyone did that today they'd be honoring the victims and survivors of 9/11 just as well as any ceremony.

It Goes On

2010-09-09T21:11:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, as a parent, I feel time moving in a very different way than I did before Baby Starr was born. For one thing, it seems to go so much quicker and so much slower in different ways.

Baby is almost 13 months old now. He is toddling - sort of, it's like four or five steps, fall down, back up again for seven steps, flat on his rear - around the house and crawling faster than the speed of light. He is everywhere all at once and nothing really contains him or stops him. He'll crawl over something to get where he wants to be.

It seems like a week ago that he was born. I look at him now and I barely recognize that teeny tiny baby I brought home. He is full of energy, full of noise, full of giggles. He's thirty inches tall, weighs twenty four pounds, and eats like a horse. He loves music and weather reports on tv, books of all kinds, and anything with buttons. He adores Daddy, loves Mommy, and tolerates everyone else with such a sweet disposition.

But everything else in life just moves so much slower. Work days drag, car rides seem longer, everything just seems to be moving at this glacial pace that makes me so impatient. But the days speed by and every one of them brings my baby so much further into life and away from babyhood. He needs a hair cut, but I won't let him have one. Once he gets a haircut, he'll be less like my baby and more like a little boy. I cried the day we bought him his first pair of sneakers and sobbed my way through Toys R Us to buy him his birthday gift. My baby is not really a baby anymore. He has definite opinions - carrots and chicken are good, Mr. Brown Can Moo Can You is excellent reading while Dr Seuss' Book of ABCs is not, milk can be cold but water had better be room temperature or else. He has a personality that is engaging and charming (and I am not saying that because I'm his mother. Everyone else tells me that [which kind of makes me wants to say "duh"]). He loves Elmo and has apparently inherited his aunt's horrific taste in music (once, in the car, he was screaming from deep unhappiness at having to be in said car and only stopped when that godawful Miley Cyrus crapfest Party in the USA came on and the little shit giggled). He has a best pal at school, an adorable little girl named Darien who is his bestie. He hates wearing hats and socks, is resigned to sneakers, and will eat sand if you don't watch him. Bath time is his favorite time of day (seriously. He LOVES the bathtub. When you strip him down and start walking down the hallway he starts to wiggle and squeal he gets so excited). If you say "arms up" while he's sitting on the changing table, he knows you're taking off his shirt and will put those arms up quite happily for you (probably because he thinks you're going to give him a bath). Every day is an adventure for him and for us, too.

It sounds so cliched, but it is so true: being a mother is the best, most rewarding thing I have ever done. I'm one of those annoying people who talks about their child endlessly. And I don't care. I don't understand why everybody doesn't find him as endlessly fascinating as I do. I often scorned those women, but now I get it.

That isn't to say that just because he's the center of my world, the rest of my world stopped. I still think going back to work was the best decision I made for myself and my family. I follow current events and sports and celebrity gossip just like I always have. I go out to dinner with friends every couple months or catch a movie (rarely) with Baby Sis or Omar. But my idea of a fun afternoon is a little different now. I still enjoy spending time at the mall and shopping, or reading a book cover to cover in one sitting, or watching a movie with a glass of wine. But if I have the choice of one of those things or taking Buddy (as Omar and I call him when he's not around) to the park for a picnic, the park wins hands down. He just makes me feel joyful.

Of course not all of it is smooth sailing. Teething sucks. Baby diarrhea sucks. Cleaning poop out of the bathtub sucks (although Omar's done that one because it makes me gag). The endless screaming and arching because he doesn't want to sit in a car seat/high chair/stroller sucks. He went through a phase where he let you know he was done eating by removing the food from his mouth and throwing it on the floor. He throws his sippy cup every chance he gets. He outgrows his clothes like crazy and I don't know what the hell they're doing at day care, but he always comes home absolutely covered in food (his clothes anyway). And the boogers? Oh my god, so gross and he never lets you wipe them. He's on Claritin for allergies already and he's only a year old. The ear infections are nerve wracking and hysteria inducing - for his parents. But for every pain in the ass thing about parenting, there is that moment when I walk into the room and his whole face lights up because he's happy to see me. For every screech and hair pull, there are the times when he snuggles into me because he wants comfort or a hug. For every item of outgrown clothing, there's a bigger little boy learning something new every day. His journey of discovery is just so incredible. All the wonderful things he's learning and doing and seeing - it's the most mystifying and miraculous thing I have ever seen.

Life is moving on and evolving and it is both the most wonderful and most terrifying thing I have ever seend.

Eight Months and Counting

2010-04-10T22:54:00.003-04:00

So the Red Sox are back in play and my team is already beset by controversy and disappointment. The way the Sox treated Mike Lowell was appalling; there was no dignity in that. I know it's a business and I know that he knows it too, but there's still something so awful about it. They're benching a guy who makes more than some of the starting players because he slowed down in the field. I think he showed last season his bat was still in good shape. As much as I love Papi, he's not the same guy. Split the DHing duties until you trade Lowell. Honestly.

Baby Starr is almost eight months old. He is awesome. Without question. He's such a smiley, happy kid. He's rolling over, scooting around, grabbing at things. He's so, so close to crawling. I'm scared he'll do it for the first time at daycare and I'll miss it.

I weaned him at seven months and he eats more solids than he does formula at this point. His appetite is seemingly neverending. He's such a little ham, too. He sees the camera and breaks into a great big grin. He's just such a great kid and I feel so lucky to know him let alone be his mother. Watching him learn and figure things out and try things for the first time is so amazing.

Long Time Gone

2010-01-03T10:24:00.002-05:00

I wish I could explain the awesomeness and terror of motherhood in words that don't make me sound like a moron.

Baby Starr is four and a half months old now and snoring away in his swing. He has a cold, which he kindly passed on to everyone in the house. Fortunately, I did not get it as badly as Omar and Baby Sis did. I can't take anything for it because I'm still breastfeeding, so I was really lucky not to be as sick as they were.

We brought Baby home from the hospital in the middle of an August heatwave. It was so hot we just let him hang out in a diaper. Now, it's January and we have him bundled up all the time. It seems weird so much time has passed. I look at pictures of him from the hospital, through September and October and then look at him now and I'm all, "Where is that scrawny little red thing I brought home?"

Breastfeeding alone was not giving him a big enough weight gain, even though it felt like he was eating every two hours for an hour at a time. We started supplementing him with formula and it was amazing how fast he packed on the pounds. He's still not big (my friend's son who is ten weeks younger actually weighed more than Baby Starr does now at the son's three month checkup and I know she's just breastfeeding), but the doctor doesn't think he ever will be. Omar and I are not tall people, so Baby Starr probably won't be either. He's over thirteen pounds now and all my friends' kids who are younger seem to be bigger than that.

He's still breastfeeding but I'm not as uptight about it as I was. At first, when they told me he wasn't gaining enough weight, I felt like it was my fault. And I worked really hard to get him to gain weight. I pumped after every feeding to increase my milk production, I drank this foul tea that was reported to increase milk, I nursed him every three hours like clockwork. But he still wasn't gaining enough so we started adding a few ounces of formula to every feeding and now, I have to admit, he's doing much better. He's fuller, he's sleeping better, he's much more lively.

He's also fun. He just laughed for the first time on New Year's Eve. He smiles and grabs at things and he loves to watch lights and tv screens and shiny things, which has made jewelry a challenge so I stopped wearing it at home. His new favorite thing to do is grab my finger, stick it in his mouth, rub it on his tongue, then push my finger out again before he starts it all over again. I think he's ready to start teething because he's a drool monster. He still hasn't rolled over yet, but I feel like he's getting there. He used to lay on my chest all the time and now when I put him there, he starts trying to roll over because that's what he does when he's on his tummy.

He likes it when we sing to him; his favorite for awhile - I kid you not here - was the theme song from the Batman tv show. Except when you're supposed to say Batman we would say, "Thomas!" He has these gorgeous blue eyes and the widest smile you've ever seen. He is just the happiest baby ever and I miss him so much when I'm at work I can't stand it.

I went back to work at the beginning of December and it's still weird to be there and not home with T. We were home together for nearly four months and we had a pretty good time. It is exhausting, though, to take care of him by myself for ten hours a day with no help and oftentimes no shower, no food breaks, and no naps for him or me. He would have these days where he just didn't want to be put down and those were always tough. There were some days I wouldn't even get a break to eat until three or four and by then I was so drained, physically and emotionally, I would just grab the first thing I could get my hands on. So even though most, if not all, my baby weight came off in the first three weeks (thank you, breastfeeding!), I gained back a little of it and am ridiculously out of shape. None of my pre-baby clothes fit and that's been hard to handle.

But it's a new year. I'm going back on Weight Watchers, will work out with my Wii Fit and once the weather stops sucking will go for walks with T. at night. Right now, though, I pick him up from daycare and the two of us just snuggle on the couch until Omar gets home and our whole night is about him and spending time with him. Weekends are my favorite because he's all mine and I don't have to give him over to anyone.

So even though it's been months since I sat down to catalogue my life here, it feels like hours. He's growing so quickly and he's so different now from what he was. He's truly the best part of my life and I did not know that the amount of love you feel for one person could increase day after day.

He'll be five months old in two weeks and that to me is the most bizarre thing in the world. Where did five months go? I waited so long for him, then the pregnancy just flew by. A year ago today, we were still reveling in the fact we were expecting him! Then it was suddenly August and there he was. I thought my maternity leave would feel longer, but nope. One minute I'm sitting on the couch watching TNT's daytime lineup, the next I'm back at work anxiously calling daycare to check on him. And I don't know where that time went at all.

Sleep? What Is This Thing Of Which You Speak?

2009-10-24T23:40:00.003-04:00

I have never in my life been this exhausted. NEVER. I also didn't know that you develop sonic hearing with motherhood. Nor did I realize that baby poop is a color not normally found in nature or that a baby boy could pee up his back.

I also didn't know you could love one human being so much, wake up every day and love him a little bit more.

Even if he does tend to scream at three o'clock in the morning on a regular basis.

Early Arrival

2009-08-30T14:36:00.002-04:00

On Aug. 14, I had my regular weekly check up. My ob thought I looked "puffy" and she was concerned about my blood pressure. So she sent me to the hospital (labor and delivery) to be monitored. "More than likely," she told me, "you'll be home in a couple hours. But if you have to have the baby, you're at 37 weeks, which is term, so everything will be fine."

All I could think about was all the crap I had left to do at work. I wasn't nervous or upset about the possibility of actually having Baby Starr because I didn't think that was even in the realm of possibility. And sure enough it wasn't. That day.

The nurses at the hospital scoffed at my ob/nurse practicioner (spell?) who had sent me to the hospital. I was fine, she was nuts, etc. So off Omar and I went to home. We went out to dinner with my parents that night, watched the Red Sox game and just had a typical Friday night.

Saturday morning, I woke up at quarter of six. I had had a tough time sleeping that night. My back had been bothering me and my hips were sore. I had probably gotten up seven or eight times to pee since I'd gone to be at ten or ten thirty.

When I woke up, Omar woke up with me. I told him I didn't feel right. "I don't feel right. My back, my hips. Something's not right."

"What's wrong?" he says.

"I don't know. I have to pee again. Then I'm going to try to get some more sleep."

The words were not even out of my mouth, I didn't even have a leg out of the bed. My water broke.

It scared the fuck out of me. There is no other delicate was to put it. It scared me to death. Baby Starr was not due for another three weeks. Baby Starr was also breech and I had a C section scheduled for Aug 28 just in case Baby Starr did not turn around by my next appointment.

I didn't have a bag packed for the hospital. My desk at work was a mess. My house was a mess. We didn't even a mattress for the crib yet, for God's sake. We were about to start a heat wave and the weather people had been freaking out for days about it. In short, I was not ready for Baby Starr to be born.

When I got out of bed and staggered to the bathroom, I felt my first contraction. I told Omar, "I think I'm having a contraction."

During this whole thing, he had started to strip the sodden, amniotic soaked sheets off the bed and he was frantically trying to find my cell phone so he could call my ob. I told him I was taking a shower.

"You're what?"

"I'm taking a shower. I'm covered in amniotic fluid. I can't go to the hospital like this. I'm. Taking. A. Shower."

The truth was, I felt sticky from the amniotic fluid, but I also desperately did not want to go to the hospital and have my picture continuously taken with serious bed head.

My contractions at that point (before the shower) were five minutes apart. By the time I got out of the shower, dressed, threw some things in a bag, and got out to the car, maybe twenty minutes had passed since my water broke. My ob was not on call that weekend and Omar had been given the number for the ob who was. My contractions, by the time we got in the car, were four minutes apart and getting more painful. I was starting to panic, especially when the on call ob's answering service put us on hold.

It was a ten minute drive to the hospital. Contractions were getting stronger. I was still on hold with the answering service. Omar pulled into the emergency room parking lot and we waddled our way into the ER. Where there was no one around. I had to ring the bell twice to get someone to come get us. The whole time, I'm still leaking amniotic fluid. And had been since I got out of the shower, so the shower had pretty much been pointless.

We get up stairs around twenty to seven. Right before shift change. I can't tell you how much fun that was. My contractions are getting more painful, I'm in tears, and the nurses are looking at me like I'm crazy when I ask them things like the following:

"Why do my thighs hurt?"
"That's labor. There's probably pressure on your sciatic nerve."

"Why does my back hurt?"
"That's just part of labor."

And when I tell them, "It wasn't supposed to be this way. The baby's not due for another three weeks. The baby's breech. We don't even have a crib mattress yet! I'm scared," they ignore me and tell me to breathe through the pain.

Breathe through the pain, MY ASS. That was probably the most painful experience I've ever had.

The nurse did an ultrasound to confirm the breech, but then tells me they're going to have to wait for the doctor to confirm the breech status before they can make any decisions. I tell the nurse to get this kid out of me NOW. Omar is holding my hand, I'm crying. They start an IV and I can't have any pain meds because if the baby is breech, that's an automatic C section and they'll give me a spinal then.

So contractions. No pain meds. No freaking doctor as of yet.

Finally, sometime after seven but before seven thirty, the doctor shows up and does an ultra sound. She tells me, "Oh, your baby is breech."

Then everything starts to move quickly. Someone hands Omar scrubs. They tuck my hair into a paper hat. Then they wheel me down the hall to the operating room. Omar can't come in yet until they give me the spinal. I start to have a contraction and they have to wait on the spinal till it passes.

Once they give you the spinal, you immediately go numb from the waist down. You can't feel pain, but you can feel them digging around in there. They let Omar in before they make the incision and he sits with me while they open me up. I feel tugging and stretching and pressure and all sorts of nastiness.

Then I hear, "It's a boy!"

And my son is born.

Fox Sux

2009-07-14T21:17:00.003-04:00

I didn't realize that it had been almost two months since I updated this. In those two months, the Red Sox have crushed the Yankees every time they've played them, moved into first place, and benched Lugo. All good things. In those two months, Baby Starr has gotten much bigger, Omar has been the awesomest person alive, and my mother has driven me around the bend and back again.

The Sox appear to be in the Halladay hunt, sort of, but I don't know that they necessarily need him. He's a good pitcher, yes, but what they would have to give up for him seems a bit excessive. Toronto will not let him go cheaply and the Sox are a team that is very protective of its farm system and prospects. Which is why they don't need assholes like Texeira because they're home growing the guys they need. With Dice K on the DL, I've been able to watch all the starters without going red with rage by the third inning. Lord even knows what they'll do with him when he gets back.

Wakefield has been the best part of the season for me so far. Inconsistent, sometimes, yes. But he is by far the best story. Eleven wins, most in the league, and his first All Star game in 17 years in the majors. I always liked Tim Wakefield. He's never bitched about his role, never demanded ridiculous money, never complained about "respect" or whatever it is the rest of the whiny bitches complain about. He has always played his role with dignity and volunteered in the community quietly, never making a big deal about all the work he does for the team and for charity. He deserves this so much more than anyone else in the organization.

It's the usual shit show for Fox, though, starting the All Star Game late and the inanity of Buck and McCarver. Honestly, could they find a more annoying network to show this game on? I suppose ESPN is more annoying, but that's cable and they won't put this on cable. God, I hate Fox.

As for Baby Starr, I can only say this pregnancy thing is both wonderful and draining. I am, thankfully, mostly all belly. I am also carrying very high right now because Baby Starr is frank breech. Which means butt first. The head is near my right rib cage and the feet near my left. It's like the baby is in a V shape. The doctor has assured me that the baby is comfortable like this. They have also told me if the baby doesn't turn in another month, I will be scheduled for a C section, which was not my first choice for delivery. Part of me wonders if I will feel like my pregnancy experience was complete without going through labor, but another part of me is grateful to be spared what I have been told is pretty agonizing pain. My doctor will turn the baby if I ask, but she told me straight up that it doesn't usually work and she doesn't like doing them. That's fine with me; Baby Sis was footling breech, they turned her twice and it didn't work, so Mom had the C section anyway.

The baby is 4 lbs, 2 oz now, so we are looking at a birth weight of between 7 1/2 or 8 lbs. Bigger than Omar and I had anticipated. But all we care about is the health of our Baby Starr. It's the most amazing thing we have every experienced. Even with the disgusting heartburn and the nasty swollen feet and the irritating acne, I would not change this for anything. At the end of it all, I will have my Baby Starr and I could not love that idea more.

My shower was this past weekend and I was astonished and touched by the generosity of my friends and family. After weeks of driving me INSANE, my mother threw an amazing party for her grandbaby. The daily phone calls have not ceased, but they are slightly less annoying than they were. We got a lot of wonderful gifts, including some beautiful handmade sweaters, blankets, quilts, booties, and bonnets from friends, Baby Sis, and my mother. They are absolutely stunning and it took a lot to keep me from crying. The workmanship on those handmade items was just stunning and I could see the care that people had put into them. Especially my sister's. It just touched me so much to know how many people are excited about the birth of my baby and it makes me so thankful for my friends and family and extended family. Baby Starr will be born into so much love and I am beyond grateful for that.

Right now, Baby Starr is pushing against my ribs in such a way that it almost hurts to take a breath. Sleeping is most uncomfortable and I have to pee at work about every hour and every two to three when I go to bed. I'm tired all the time and I'm sort of out of breath a lot since the baby presses on my lungs slightly. But this is all normal. And Baby Starr is worth every discomfort.

Long Couple Months

2009-05-31T11:39:00.003-04:00

Baby Starr is about the most exciting thing we have going here these days. It's difficult to explain how terrified, excited, apprehensive, and joyous we are about this baby. Every day revolved around Baby Starr. How much he or she moved, how much sleep I did or did not get, whether or not I am adequately hydrating, etc. It is exhausting to be me and also to be a mom-to-be. I sometimes feel that me has gotten lost in Baby Z and I worry that I will become one of those boring women who have nothing else to talk about besides my kid. I remember when I was interesting, knew about politics, current events, and pop culture. Now I'm more up on what kind of cribs Babies R Us sells.

This is not say that I don't keep up with things, because I do. I am well versed on Sonia Sotomayor and Susan Boyle and American Idol, etc. But when you tend to fall asleep by 9:30 every night, you miss a lot.

Things have not been easy here lately. Omar's mother had major surgery to remove her spleen, part of her stomach, and part of her pancreas. The resulting tests revealed non Hodgkins lymphoma. She has just started chemo. It has been very, very hard on Omar, especially since his dad's lung cancer diagnosis last fall. His dad has been given a clean bill of health, especially since the removal of part of his lung, but everyone is very emotional about this. It has been especially hard on Omar. He has a lot of responsibilities pulling at him right now, not the least of which is his desire to be a good husband and a good son. I suppose I don't make it easy on him because I need a lot of his time right now to help me make decisions about things for the baby. And he feels like his parents need him too. It has not been an easy balance and at times I feel a little resentful that his attention needs to be elsewhere, especially when he starts talking about how much his mom and dad will need him once his brother the doctor starts his residency full time. The problem is, I will need him too and it's going to be a difficult balance for us both.

We have a lot to do still. The baby comsumes every waking thought, concern, etc. It doesn't help I'm still not hungry most of the time (although I have mostly gotten over the food aversions) and I eat more because it's necessary than I want to. The heartburn is fierce and gross and I hate it. The acne on my chest, face, and back gets progressively grosser, and I can't even talk about how disgusting my feet look these days because they swell disgustingly so. I cry a lot because I look so different. Everyone keeps telling me how great I look, but I don't feel great most days. Omar has been amazing and he puts up with the crying and the insecurities better than most would. It's still somewhat overwhelming to us that pretty soon there's going to be a baby in this house.

Baby Starr and the Alien Face

2009-04-10T14:46:00.003-04:00

Our eighteen week ultrasound showed us the baby's face. It looks sort of creepy, if you want honesty. Baby Starr will, naturally, be the most adorable baby in the history of babies, but his or her first portrait was a little startling.

Still, the baby is actually starting to look like a baby in there and not some sort of blob that's just hanging out in space. We got to see the baby's spine, organs, and hands and feet. It's always sort of a thrill to hear the baby's heartbeat. There's this whole little person in there, with thoughts, who's dreaming and breathing and squirming around in there and it's just weird. Omar is way more fascinated about this process than I am, probably because he's not the one on the verge of falling asleep, puking, or peeing every five minutes.

I've been suffering from rotten heartburn the last couple weeks, which is so not fun. Plus, everyone keeps telling me I'm going to get an appetite again, but I'm never *hungry.* I eat because I know I should. The food aversions still exist, so I'm not enthusiastic about eating. Omar is still a saint about the cooking. I can't take it anymore and he's been so good.

Motown Night

2009-03-25T20:13:00.002-04:00

I think I love this Matt kid. I love Motown music, which may sound weird when you consider the rest of my musical tastes, but I love that genre. It's so cool. And this kid singing Marvin Gaye was awesome.

I don't understand the hype around Adam Lambert. I think he's freaky to be honest with you. His voice just sounds screechy to me.

I got my Twilight DVD the other day and have since watched it twice. I've decided it's better than the books and also that I would seriously like to be Kristen Stewart during that bedroom scene. Holy shit, I forgot how hot that kissing scene was. The kissing in the book is so anticlimatic and the movie just is more.

Omar's on a business trip to Milwaukee, which sucks, because both of us have this miserable cold. The doctor said I could take Sudafed for it, but the kind you have to get from behind the registers at the pharmacy. They scan your driver's license and make you sign a statement when you buy it. I find it interesting that the Sudafed you can buy off the shelves is not considered safe for Baby Starr, but that the Sudafed they use to make crystal meth is.

Colds Suck

2009-03-19T19:24:00.002-04:00

Especially when you're four months pregnant. Especially when you have a horrific sinus headache. Especially when you have a cough that makes your temples hurt every time you cough. Especially when you feel like shit, can't sleep, and can't take much of anything that will put a dent in this misery.

The WBC sucks, too, especially when two players come home with injuries.

Twilight comes out on DVD this weekend and I pre-ordered my copy from Amazon because I am pathetic.

Peanut

2009-03-16T19:04:00.003-04:00

My little peanut is getting bigger. I have to pee all the time (that is not an exaggeration; I literally went to the ladies' room eight times today at work. Once an hour). I still have horrible food aversions (like right now I am procrastinating going upstairs to put the chicken in the oven because raw chicken makes me sick). None of my clothes fit, so I had to buy maternity clothes (maternity pantyhose are quite possibly the worse things I have ever owned in my entire life). I bought four dressed, 3 pairs of pants, three blouses and five t-shirts. I don't have enough shirts. It's upsetting. I don't want a lot more tops, just three or four more that I can wear to work.

My mother is so ridiculously excited it's not even funny. Even Baby Sis, who is famous for her blase-ness, seems to be looking forward to auntihood. I personally cannot wait to meet my little peanut. We are not going to find out what the peanut is because we truly don't care. Boy or girl, this baby is perfect as is and we don't feel a need to know or have a preference.

On a completely non-peanut related note, Lester signed a long-term contract, Lugo is hurt (shock, I know), Manny is gone, and Pedroia and Youk are also locked up for long-term deals. My boys are getting ready for the season and I am so excited about that. Not to mention that A-Fraud's out with a hip injury and may never see the hall because he's a lying cheater who should burn in hell.

Second Time Around

2009-02-09T20:16:00.002-05:00

So, I've had a little secret for a little over month now. I've just started to tell people and now that I've told my parents, I feel like it's okay to share.

I'm having a baby.

For the first time in my life, I am completely overwhelmed in the best way possible. I took the test, thinking for sure it would be negative, and was stunned when it was positive. I cried all night and could barely get the words out when I called Omar to tell him. He was pretty speechless too.

We've just started to tell friends and extended family and everyone's joy for us has been so touching.

I alternate between feeling completely shitty and just merely shitty. Pregnancy is exhausting. I am tired all the time. I have weird food cravings and even weirder aversions (such as a desperate need for tater tots and cheetos, which I have not eaten since college, and a firm aversion to spinach and salmon, which I eat on a regular basis). I also find myself repulsed by water at times, so it's weird. I pee all the time, sleep when I am not peeing, and try desperately not to lose my cookies on the train and all over my desk. I've been lucky in the sense that I've only actually thrown up once, but running in three inch heels to the can at work in order to do so has not actually been as discreet as I was trying to be.

Omar has been a saint. I cannot emphasize that enough. I was pretty miserable the first couple weeks and am just starting to feel better now, but I can't even tell you how much of a difference he has made for me. He's also adorable, the way he talks to Baby Starr all the time.

We had our first ultrasound to make sure it wasn't twins (it wasn't, thank the Lord) and got to hear the heartbeat for the first time. The doctor says the baby's doing really well and that I am too. Still, I can't wait for September 4 to come so I can meet this tiny little person inside me. It makes me teary even to think about it, but I love this little thing so much and it's not even here yet. It scares me how much I will love him or her when s/he finally arrives.

It's enough to make up for all the absolutely awful parts of pregnancy to know that at the end of this, my baby will be here and I'll finally get to meet this little person who's part of me and part of Omar.

Chills

2009-01-20T18:41:00.001-05:00

I managed to watch most of the inauguration speech at work while watching streaming video. I listened to it mostly while I worked I worked. It was powerful to realize how many people's lives are affected by this. It was moving, it was honest and it was heartfelt. It gave me chills and it made me very proud to be an American citizen today.

Buh-Bye Dubya

2009-01-15T20:14:00.003-05:00

I don't know why I put on the farewell address, but Lord this man makes my skin crawl. NBC just cut away from him to show a commercial, which was hilarious.

He's such a jackhole.

David Gregory is a very smart man. Jackhole talked a lot of about 9/11 and Gregory just basically said that that's how Jackhole is going to define his presidency. I don't think Bush realizes that the way he handled the aftermath of 9/11 is why a lot of people hate him. Yes, Afghanistan was probably necessary. If you're going to go hunting for terrorists, go look for them where they are and there was every indication that's where Bin Laden was. But don't for a minute try to fool people into thinking that you went to Iraq for the health of this country or to defeat terror. If it were up to you, we would have gone to Iran, too.

Whatever. He's going to be gone in a few days, hopefully falling into obscurity and keeping his mouth shut.

Season 8

2009-01-13T20:05:00.002-05:00

Okay, I am total bourgeoisie loser, but I am super excited for American Idol this year. I feel like I need something totally stupid and mindless that I can bitch about and giggle about. It's not like it's great entertainment, but if there's an actor's strike (please don't let there be an actor's strike), this will be better than nothing.

Plus, it's always fun to watch Omar rag on Ryan Seacrest.

How crappy does Confessions of a Shopaholic look? The books are okay, light hearted fluff, but the movie looks like it's trying too hard.

Omar is coming home from a business trip tonight and I can't even tell you excited I am to see him. Miss him so much.

If they had to find another judge, did it have to be one who looks like Paula? Hopefully, she's not crazy like Paula.

Still On The Twilight Kick

2008-12-29T20:08:00.002-05:00

I can't stop reading them.

It's disturbing how much I can't stop reading them.

Baby Sis makes fun of me constantly. But I can't stop. They're so horrible and so horribly addictive.

Disaster

2008-12-19T21:29:00.004-05:00

In the last 20 minutes, I have set a dishtowel on fire, slammed my head into a handle resulting in a nasty bump, and burned a saucepan because I didn't put enough water in it. Also, I may have burned the melted chocolate for my crinkle cookies, but Omar swears the batter tasted fine. Well, we'll find out tomorrow when I bake them.

We're having friends over for dinner tomorrow night as a thank you for helping us move to the Hellmouth. I'm making two trays of stuffed shells, plus appetizers and desserts. Tonight, I made the sauce for the shells and started one of the desserts. I'll be cooking all day tomorrow so I don't have to cook when the guests get here.

I swear, my house is trying to do me in. First I slipped in the tub yesterday and have a monstrously hideously huge bruise on my right leg. Now the dishtowel and the practically concussed head trauma.

On a more serious note, my dad's best friend's mother died this morning. It sounds like a tenuous connection, but she was present my whole childhood. She was such a good lady and her family was so devoted to her. She will be so sorely missed and my heart is just broken for my Uncle Brian. So Mem, wherever you are tonight, I miss you.

Big Girl Now?

2008-12-11T19:52:00.002-05:00

I find myself somewhat at loose ends these days. I'm not super interested in much that's on t.v. these days beyond Chuck, Bones, Fringe and Law & Order: CI. Even then, I'm not super engaged. I have to TiVo everything because I know I can pause stuff and come back to it later.

I'm only reading books I've read a million times before, even though I'm in the middle of Dennis Lehane's new book The Given Day. I'm a huge Lehane fan, have read all his books multiple times, but I'm having a hard time getting into this one. I've re-read the Twilight books about three times already and really, I'm happy just to keep re-reading them. Now that NaNoWriMo is over, I'm having trouble finding the next thing I want to write about.

Even the internet is kind of boring these days.

I haven't touched the Wii in over a week.

Maybe I've matured enough that I don't need the escapism those things provide. Well, except the reading part. I still love to read and would read every day and every night for hours at a time if I didn't have other things competing for my attention.

Like Omar, currently dancing around the kitchen in his boxers, trying to get me to look at him. It's pretty freaking funny.

I don't know what it is that has me so blase about the things I usually love.

How Stephenie Meyer Is Ruining My Life

2008-12-03T20:03:00.004-05:00

Let's be honest. The Twilight saga is not exactly the most witty, charming, well-written stuff every produced in literature. In fact, it's pretty much downright crap. Baby Sis and I have spent an inordinate amount of time dissecting why these books are so appealing and not really coming up with a reason that satisfies. There is something to be said, though, for epic love stories and no teenage girl can resist that. And apparently no woman in her thirties can either because I have been sucked in by those books.

I read the first two before we saw the movie and then bought the last copies of the last two at Target last weekend. They're a pretty fast read, despite the length of them, and I had finished both books by the time Monday night rolled around (I have a disgusting capacity for fast reading which drives my family insane because I also retain about 99% of what I read when I read that fast. And since I rarely, if ever, read a book just once [it has to be a really horribly written book for me to read it just once], that 1% I miss the first time around I catch on the second).

I don't think they're especially great literature and she can't write characterization for shit, but there is something to be said for the plot. It's kind of addictive. And forbidden love is such a tempting subject. It would be nice if the so-called heroine of the story were a little bit more likable (the way she tortures herself, Jacob, and Edward makes me want to slap her, often. One of the last two books mentions Wuthering Heights a few times and has a horrified Bella drawing comparisons to herself and Cathy and I actually liked that part of it. My feelings on Wuthering Heights are well documented: incredible descriptive prose (really, Emily Bronte was gifted), but the most unlikable characters ever to appear as protagonists in literature. My loathing for Cathy and Heathcliff make it hard for me to read that book more than once every couple years, but the literary critic and English lit devotee in me knows it's an incredibly important piece of literature. Plus, I just like Bronte's rhythms. Her writing is a little more complex than Charlotte Bronte's and definitely has more depth to it than Anne's did (although The Tenant of Wildfell Hall is a great read).

Still, the books are addictive and I can't put them down. I will probably end up re-reading the series within the next few weeks and I can't figure out for the life of me why.

It's the plot of the whole series, really. The first book is the most poorly written; like Rowling, Meyer got better at it as she went along; unlike Rowling, though, the books didn't get more entertaining as she went along. The last book has the least consistency: she switches from Bella's POV after almost 200 pages to Jacob's, then switches back to Bella's another 250 pages or so later. I heard a rumor that she's written the saga from Edward's POV and I would be interested to read that. In a more competent writer's hands, I think these books could be even more powerful. She's not great with imagery in the sense that she doesn't make you feel like you're there. You get a sense of what things look like, but not the breathless sense of being there with the characters. And Edward's supposed to be this perfect man and Bella's devotion to him so all-consuming she'd willing to give up her humanity for him, but I couldn't understand what about her he loved and why she fell in love with him either. There just didn't seem to be a catalyst there that made me go, "God, no wonder."

Plus, the stuff on sex in there is pretty funny. She's definitely promoting abstinence in these books, unless you're married, and even then there's not really any sex without consequences. I was surprised that she included some non-explicit love scenes, but these kids probably know more about sex than she does these days (if Gossip Girl and the other shows of its ilk are to be believed). When I was growing up, books aimed at girls my age didn't even hint at sex like she does. The last two books are pretty centered on when, how, and where Bella and Edward are going to have sex and there's some innuendo there that would be pretty tame for a book at adults, but seems racy to me for books aimed at a younger audience. Of course, kids are having sex young these days (god, I feel a hundred and ten writing this), so maybe they think it's tame (I actually typed lame there by accident, but maybe they think it's lame, too). Also, it's all couched in these romantic moments that are supposed to seem heavenly and ultra-romantic and epic. And maybe they would be to a teenage girl who thinks sex and love are the same thing, but as a married, adult woman who's trying to get knocked up, they just seemed kind of... not cute because that's the wrong word, but maybe too contrived. Of course Bella and Edward are going to have great sex. Epic love stories would never disappoint the reader with bad sex. But the sex (and again, it's very non-explicit) is so idealized and no one's first time is ever that great. Not even if it is with a hot vampire.

The whole series is just addictive. Like I said, women are suckers for epic love stories. Lord knows if I could think of a good epic love story, I would try to write one. But I feel like every time I try to tell a love story, I'm sinking into cliches. And I loathe relying on contrivances to tell a story. It's a cop out.

PS Sox just signed Pedroia to a 6 year, 40.5 million deal. Cheap for the Sox, awesome for the fans. Now, if they'd just lock in Pap...

Proof God Is Not A Woman

2008-11-29T19:12:00.003-05:00

Ugh, got my period yesterday. Omar went and got the Clomid refilled, which means yet another funfilled month of being an absolute raging bitch to people while those lovely hormones work their way through my reproductive system. I loathe getting my period. The bloating alone makes me feel like I gained twenty pounds for three days.

How the hell did this journal become all about my cycle anyway?

Anyway, the same day I took the pregnancy test, I also discovered from the scale that I've lost twenty pounds. That's pretty amazing. I can't tell the difference, but Omar says he definitely sees it and Lori told me when I saw her a couple weeks ago that she could tell I've lost weight. So I guess there's an upside to everything.

I signed up for this program called NaNoWriMo online and basically I have to write a new book in thirty days. I put all my other stuff on hold and I've written something (so, so close to done) that's new, but I don't know how good it is. It's just a rough draft (a VERY rough draft) but it's pretty okay so far. I've got about a thousand words left to go and the deadline's tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll finish tonight when Baby Sis and I get back from the movies. We're going to see Twilight tonight because we're completely lame.

Thanksgiving was a success. Uncle CT came with the fam and my parents were here too. Daddy helped Omar put a couple outlets in today so that was interesting. And Mom unpacked the last twelve boxes that needed to be unpacked so that was good too. And knowing the test had been negative freed me up for booze. I will probably, once I'm done feeling like a bloated whale this week due to the water retention, get roaring drunk since I promised myself that if I wasn't pregnant on the first round of drugs, I'd get trashed.

Not that it will make me feel any better about it, but at least I won't be wallowing in self pity while I'm drinking because I'm in general a pretty happy drunk. Which is ironic because alcohol is a depressant.

Too many deep thoughts. Going to eat leftover turkey and stuffing and share a beer with Rock Starr before going to movies. Then I will come home and try to pound out the denouement.

I love Advil.

I Never Did Test Well

2008-11-25T20:47:00.002-05:00

Today was day 27. The box says you can tell at least 1 day before your scheduled period. The test was negative.

Omar said to give it another week. I don't have a regular cycle usually. If I don't get a period between now and then and the next test is negative, he said we'll call the doctor and figure out where to go from there.

Today was day 27. The box says you can tell at least 1 day before your scheduled period. The test was negative.

And that says it all right there.

Dinner for Three

2008-11-15T19:06:00.002-05:00

Eva came down for dinner tonight. Wished she could have stayed longer, but we had a nice meal at John Harvard's where not one, but two waitstaff members stopped by our table to say hi to us. We seriously go there waaay too much.

It was nice to catch up with her. She's back living up north and she hates it. She cut her hair and it looks adorable. Makes me wish I was brave enough to chop a few inches off, but my hair comes just below my shoulders and I'm too chicken to cut any more off. After I got married, I didn't cut it for like two years so it was almost to my waist when I started working at John Hancock. It was stick straight with no style and no shape. I used to twist it up into a french twist every day for work, jab it with a few pins and wear it like that because I hated how lank it looked. When I went to get it cut, she cut off like six inches or so. She layered it and it looks cute, but I used to love how sophisticated that twist looked and it's harder to do with layers because some of them don't stay in. I need half a bottle of hair spray and twice the number of pins to keep it up, even though my hair is shorter now.

Omar is doing laundry for me tonight, which is awesome because I need clean clothes and I hate doing laundry. I also found one of my candles to light today because the kitchen smelled like a sewer from the trash can. But the candle doesn't really smell like much. Oh well. At least I found one of them. I think I'm going to have to break down and actually unpack this weekend.

The Raging Bitch Returns

2008-11-12T21:31:00.005-05:00

What is it with me lately? Last night I picked a fight with Omar and this morning I had one with Baby Sis while we were waiting for the train together. I swear to God.

I actually have a theory about this and it's not that off the wall. The way I figure it, when I worked in retail, this was the time of year I used to start to get really tense. Holiday hiring was usually awful and we were starting to get pressure on visuals and that sort of thing. Plus, you're gearing up for year end and you have to make up all the sales dollars you'd lost during the "regular" part of the year (there is no "regular" part of the year in retail, every season has its own hell). I truly think my internal clock remembers what time of year it is and how tense and uptight I used to be from now until February and it's manifesting itself even years later. It's a more complicated explanation than "my doctor put me on mild fertility drugs and now I'm fucked up" but I think it's also true. This was the time of year I used to hate most, going into holiday season.

Anyway, I'm trying to keep my shit together because work has suddenly gone mad. I think the director of my division has finally had it with the call center borrowing me and my teammates because we've been told we're off limits to the call center at least until January. My team just took on two huge projects, one of which absolutely positively no buts about it must be completed by year end (which means it probably won't get done til February because we're working on both projects on our own time since we still have our regular every day work to do). I stayed assigned to the GMWB Reset Projection (such a bitch but it's at least predictable. I know exactly what needs to be done, what fits the criteria, and how to write the adjustment up), but four other people from my team were moved from GMWB to the Death Benefit ReReg project and that's a whole other thing. Those adjustments can take days to process due to the fact you have to build a whole contract off it. I'm so relieved that one's not mine. The GMWB project is complicated enough. My deadline is technically year end, but that's only because of the tax implications if we go over it. The DB ReReg project has other issues that make it imperative it be completed before year end.

So yet another Saturday I will be spending at my desk. Making fantastic overtime, yes, buying new furniture, no. Plus, Eva's coming down from Maine Saturday night to hang out. Which means I have to figure out how to work the futon in the guest room.

Unpacked most of the boxes of books this weekend and it was like finding old friends. It's pathetic to be that excited about finding a book you haven't read in over six months because it's been packed in a box. I swear, I could start my own lending library with all the books I've got here.

Omar is watching his stupid fighting show downstairs and Baby Sis is procrastinating a paper in her bedroom. I'm supposed to be working on my NaNoWriMo piece, but I'm easily distracted by shiny objects. Like writing this instead.

While I was unpacking my books, I found my journal from high school/college, which details the beginnings of my relationship with Omar. Good Lord, was I swoony over that boy. Still am, if you want to be honest about it. As I was reading some of the entries, I was remembering some of the things I was writing about and I can't believe how long it's been since I scribbled all those things down to paper. If someone had told me that girl in that journal would turn out to be me, I would have laughed and laughed because me? I'm boring. Certainly not what that girl thought she'd be. But on other hand, I don't think that girl turned out so badly. So whatever, younger me. Maybe I'm not exciting like you thought I was going to be, but I sure as hell won't complain about where I ended up. I married Omar, after all, and we have a pretty good life.

Except for these goddamn mood swings.

A New Era

2008-11-05T22:49:00.002-05:00

I can only quote Annie Kinsella (Amy Madigan) from Field of Dreams here:
"All right, America, I'm proud of ya!"

Seriously. We get a lot wrong. But last night, we got it so, so, so very right. Barack Obama isn't going to be an instant fix to this country's problems and he's got such a long, hard road ahead of him. But he brought hope and the promise of change to this country and I think that's why he won. We are all sick of the status quo and he is certainly not the status quo.

I am anxious to see what he can do and so very hopeful that he can fulfill his promise.

I can't wait to see how this ends up.

Womb Watch - The Beginning

2008-10-31T21:02:00.003-04:00

I'd love to know how my vagina become the center of attention in my house. Everyone, it appears, is completely obsessed with it.

I've never made a secret of the fact that I want children and that my period sucks. But in order to have children I need to get a period, which I haven't had since February. At first I was concerned the progesterone wasn't working. Oh, it's working. I have been having a full out screaming it sucks awful bad period with a nasty set of cramps to match. So far I'm on day three of it and I want someone to pay for this.

Sunday I start the Clomid.

This has been a somewhat humiliating process because I made the mistake of discussing this with my mother and she's obsessed with it. Not to mention that every day after I started the progesterone someone would inevitably ask me if I had gotten my period yet. Everyone has been eagerly anticipating and excited for me to bleed. It is beyond creepy that this many people are that interested in my menstrual cycle.

So in another month and a half or so I'll know. I'll either be knocked up or drunk. I'd prefer to be pregnant so I don't have to keep doing this every month (hormones blow!). And I know if I get my period in a month I will drown myself in alcohol. There won't be any other option.

Other goings on that have made this stressful? No heat and no hot water for the last 24-48 hours because a motor kicked on our furnace. Yesterday Omar called the oil company because we had no hot water. We got home from dinner out last night and discovered that no only did we still not have hot water, we didn't have heat. And the oil company didn't pick up the emergency line and it was actually below freezing last night. Ever shower in an ice cold house with ice cold water? Sucks.

Sucks almost as much as everyone waiting for you to bleed.

Foul Mood

2008-10-28T21:45:00.002-04:00

I am in a seriously, seriously foul mood tonight.

They put me back on the phones this week because they were expecting high call volumes, which totally and utterly fucked my team because with the high call volumes we also had more work. So now my team is screwed because they decided their call volumes were more important than my work.

The gyno put me on progesterone (sp?) to induce a period, since they've decided I have polycystic ovaries. He said the hormone would start my period and on day 5 of the cycle to start the Clomid they're putting me on. The hormone has made me cranky (that's kind of putting it mildly; I've been a raging bitch since I walked in the door tonight. Part of that has to do with the stuff at work; I hate the phones with the passion of a thousand suns) and I'm so tired of everyone asking me if I have my period yet. I'm also tired. I leave my house at six-thirty am every morning and I'm lucky if I'm home by quarter of seven. I also have been doing more than my fair share of the cooking lately, so I don't even sit down for dinner until almost eight most nights.

Plus, Omar's dad has lung cancer, which has been very stressful. His parents are a little secretive about some things and this of course is one of them. It's been hard on Omar, which in turn makes it hard on me. I feel so badly for him because he's kind of lost about it. His parents haven't asked him for anything so he doesn't feel useful. And he so very much wants to be useful during this time. His dad is having exploratory surgery tomorrow to see if the tumor can be removed without chemo or radiation. So it was not a good night for me to be cranky, but cranky I am and I can't help it.

I just want to be left alone sometimes and there is no privacy in this house lately. None whatsoever. Plus, my house is a mess with boxes and not enough furniture and every time I bring it up to Omar he blows me off, which is part of what pissed me off tonight. Plus, I asked him to do something for me at home tonight when I got home and he ignored me to look for something that he could have looked for later. It just ticked me off.

Normally, he's thoughtful about helping me when I ask, but tonight he just ignored me and since I was cranky already it irritated me even more.

I am in a complete and total foul mood and I can't fucking help myself.

Maybe I'm Old

2008-10-26T20:41:00.003-04:00

So I went to the movies on Friday night with Baby Sis and Omar and felt about a hundred and two. First, there was the teenage girl named "Precious" who stuck her hand in front of my face at the box office. When I made a comment (something the line of "do you mind?") she threatened me and then proceeded to follow me into the ladies' room in order to intimidate me. I'm serious about her name - that was what all the little douchebag friends she was with called her. She was also about fifteen and half my size. They continued to talk about what a bitch I was the whole time I was peeing and about how she was going to kick my ass, etc, etc. However, I stepped out of the stall, washed my hands and walked past her without any interaction.

Then, we get into the theater. We went to see Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist so I expected teenagers. I did not expect cell phones through the whole movie and constant texting. It made me very cranky.

Is it just me or are teenagers nowadays way more obnoxious than my friends and I ever were? They were awful. What kind of mannerless bitch shoves her arm in front of someone's face? What kind of thoughtless brat continues to text and squeal during a movie when the person she's texting is sitting four seats down from her.

Whatever. All I know is that teenagers suck.

Typical 8th Inning Meltdown

2008-10-13T19:37:00.003-04:00

Way to go, Paul Byrd. Instead of being slightly within reach (a 5-1 deficit is not insurmountable), now I want to go drown myself in alcohol while you pull a Timlin and kill my dreams. Thanks a lot.

Packing up to move tomorrow and Omar and I are far ahead of where he thinks we were going to be. Of course, he's also pissed at me because I'm sitting on the couch doing this instead of packing, but all my clothes are in a box, all my jewelry and makeup is packed, I finished the kitchen hours ago. I refuse to shred documents tonight (too loud) and everything else I need to pack is stuff I also need for tomorrow (shampoo, soap, deodorant, etc). I won't let him unhook the computer until tomorrow.

Baby Sis's crap is all at the house. Mom's coming over tomorrow to unpack her stuff while she's at school, which will be pretty funny when Baby Sis shows up at the house on Saturday to put her room in order.

This game is over. I want Chuck to start now. God, I hate national announcers who are not Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy. Why the hell do they have to keep talking about how much the Sox miss Manny? They're not losing this game because Manny isn't here. They're losing this game because the Tampa pitchers were pretty good tonight and Lester and Byrd weren't. End of it. I am so sick of "this team misses Manny" crap. He behaved like a spoiled two year old. The whole sign in the dugout about being traded to Green Bay during the Favre thing was beyond disrespectful and I can guarantee you that none of his teammates found it amusing. He was a cancer in that clubhouse and it's better that he's gone. They made it past the Angels without him and they're down two games to one right now. They can still make it the Series without him. Although I hope to God the Phillies crush the Dodgers so I don't have to look at Manny in the national spotlight. Because then it's all about how poorly he behaved and if he had done his job in Boston, things may have turned out differently.

Enough. He's gone and that's all that matters. And truthfully, I think if you asked any player on that team if they'd rather have Jason Bay and his positive attitude and excitement about being in his first post season play and his contributions to this team or Manny and his antics and his amazing bat, they'd tell you straight up they'd take Jason Bay. He's not Manny and he's never going to be, but he's had a solid run here in Boston and I wouldn't be shocked if they kept him in the fall.

Poor Omar looks crushed. He's tired and cranky and the Red Sox losing is just pissing him off.

Settle Down

2008-10-01T22:31:00.002-04:00

Lester needs to relax. I realize the Angels are a big scary team this season (and hello, am I the only person who thinks Guerrero looks stoned in his publicity stills??), but he needs to chill. They've kicked the Angels' asses in previous post season games; there is no need to panic. That being said, I'm worried they're not going to make it past the Angels this year.

I took serious joy in the Yankees sucking so badly this year, but I worry that Manny Douchebag may end up there next spring, in which case it will just be a bloodbath at every game. The ugliness will just be horrific. Omar and I were discussing whether or not Tim Wakefield is a starter next year and we decided we wouldn't be surprised if the Sox pursue Derek Lowe as a possible fifth starter next year. He's had a good year in LA and he's become a better pitcher since leaving Boston. Theo's always looking for good talent, but I don't know if he'd look at someone he kicked so long ago.

Who knows? There's a reason why Theo's the GM and I'm not (although if I were, I'd dump Lugo's sorry ass and lock up Jed Lowrie for the starting position next year. Hands down, he is a better player than Lugo. $36 million my ass.).

Come on, Jon! Settle down, take a deep breath and kick some ass.

How Can It Almost Be October??

2008-09-25T20:55:00.002-04:00

I can't even believe how fast this month has gone. I have spent every free minute I can find at the house with Omar. I have stripped wallpaper, painted walls, spackled walls, ripped up carpet, ripped up tack strips from carpet, and spent more money at Home Depot than I spent on clothes and shoes in the last six months. Very disconcerting.

All of the walls are painted, the carpet is half up, we have floor people, roof people, and tree cutting down people coming to the house, all in the next week. We also FINALLY have a moveout date from the Hellmouth. Starting Oct. 14 we move into the house!!

Closing Time

2008-08-28T21:39:00.002-04:00

Today, I think I signed my name more than I ever have or ever will sign it for the rest of my life.

Today, Omar and I bought our first house.

It almost seemed somewhat anticlimactic. We went in, signed about fifty thousand pieces of paper, got the keys from the seller, and left. We had a late lunch at Uno's of all places, walked around a bunch of stores, went to Home Depot and got more of an education on washers and dryers than I ever thought I would have, had a late dinner at PF Chang's and came back to the Hellmouth to watch the Patriots.

We met our next door neighbors, who were home today because it was their oldest son's first day of kindergarten. They seem nice and apparently we are the talk of the neighborhood. Which is disconcerting. I never perform well to strangers. Even if Mr. Darcy said it first, it doesn't mean it's not true. So I'm pretty sure that people will be dropping by to see us, which is nice, but I loathe small talk. It's not how I'm built. And, God love Omar, he's even worse at it than I am.

One small mar on the day. We knew the seller worked at the Lowe's near the neighborhood, but we didn't realize when we went in there to pick up paint sample tonight that he'd be working today. He got a little choked up talking about the neighborhood and Omar freaked out, completely unable to now go into the paint department and pick up samples. So we left, but I told him that he's going to need to get over it, that if the guy has seller's remorse that's simply not our problem. We can't leave the house like a shrine to this guy and his family just because Omar feels badly for him that the seller has mixed feelings. I am going to rip up that kitchen (eventually), I am going to redo those bathrooms (someday) and I damn well going to take that hideous wallpaper off and paint the walls (this weekend). Omar's going to have to get over it. Although I do think that Home Depot has better prices and that's where we're most likely going to end up buying most of our stuff anyway.

I know how I would feel if my parents sold their house and then I came by and saw the new owners had torn up the yard or redone the house in a way that was unfamiliar. I would feel sad, but on the other hand I would understand that just because my family loved the house the way it was doesn't mean that the other people didn't like it; they just wanted to make it their own. And I think that that's how we have to look at it. If we go in to buy paint and he asks what changes we're making, I told Omar to tell him that we're making minor cosmetic changes. He doesn't need to know we're talking about chopping down trees or ripping up the kitchen and bathrooms to be completely different.

I can't wait for this weekend because we're going to go over there and really start making it our own. It's going to be a lot of work, but I am so looking forward to building something here that's ours. I know that even though it needs work, it's still going to be ours.

Counting Down

2008-08-26T20:00:00.002-04:00

We close on Thursday and I am so ready for this to be over. The mortgage guy called me at work today because we needed to fax him something, but he was beyond rude. Today was actually really busy at work and I couldn't get away from my desk because every time I turned around there was a new work item in my inbox. Anyway, the annoying mortgage broker decided it was okay to be beyond rude. Whatever, 2 more days and I won't have to deal with any of this crap any more. I'll just be in my house, painting and ripping stuff up, and happy.

I know I should be more engaged with the whole presidential campaign thing, especially since this is probably going to be a huge, historic election. I also know that I should really be watching the convention, but I just can't do it. I mean, I'm going to vote and I'm clearly going to vote for Obama. I can just live without the pageantry.

Weddings and Showers and Bdays, Oh My!

2008-08-20T20:41:00.004-04:00

This has been one fucking ridiculously busy summer. Seriously, I don't think Omar and I have been home a single weekend since we moved to the Hellmouth. We haven't actually.

July 4th weekend: bbq at my parents' house, then one at Omar's parents' house
July 12 weekend: Annual Bastille Day Whiffle Ball tournament
July 19 weekend: wedding
July 25 weekend: Bday party for Omar's mother and best friend, one Saturday, one Sunday

August 2 weekend: visit with Omar's goddaughter's family
August 9 weekend: BBQ on Cape Cod
August 16 weekend: wedding that Friday night, party at a friend's that Saturday night
August 23 weekend: visit to Vermont to see two sets of college friends

August 30th weekend is the first weekend we won't be going anywhere, but it's still not going to be restful. That's the first weekend we can get into the house so that we can start painting and ripping stuff up (that's going to be thrilling!).

September isn't shaping up to be much more settled. Baby showers, birthday parties (one for my own sainted mother), and concerts are taking up most of the weekends (I cannot even start to tell you how excited I am to go see New Kids on the Block in September. If Joey Mac doesn't sing "Please Don't Go Girl" I will fucking sob. I may sob even if he does sing it because I love NKOTB. It is my secret shame how much I love boy bands).

The closing is scheduled for a week from tomorrow and I am so freaking ready for all this to be over. I want to just be in my house and enjoy things. I want to cook in a kitchen that's bigger than a goddamn postage stamp. I want to be in a house that's mine, where I can spill things without freaking out about my security deposit.

Can I also just mention how Omar's love for Family Guy is going to drive me to distraction? He bitches about how much I watch Law and Order:CI but he watches almost as much of Family Guy as I do of L&O:CI.

Speaking of which, Vincent D'Onofrio is still my new favorite actor. And I also think that they're bringing Nicole Wallace back for the season finale next week. I thought Chris Noth's last episode was lame; he got a better send off from the mothership show. Also, Julianne Nicholson needs a better hair style. I worry, though, that they're going to break up Goren and Eames; I don't think that's going to work for me. They have a really great chemistry and a really great rhythm.

I don't know how I'm going to work the whole fall tv season. Clearly, I'm going back to Chuck, Heroes, and Bones. I wanted to watch Fringe because I love me some JJ Abrams, but I don't know what else I want. I'm going to have to pass on Pushing Daisies this fall, no matter how much I love it, simply because it's on opposite Bones.

One more week and I'll own my house!!

What A Week!

2008-07-31T18:49:00.003-04:00

The home inspection revealed termites. But it's okay! Really. They have not done any structural damage to the house and the owner is footing the bill to put a system in place to prevent them from coming back. We will also get a service contract that has the exterminator coming out four times a year to spray for them and it won't cost much (it'll cost less than what the seller is paying to put the initial system in, that's for sure).

So the house is good to go and I am psyched.

Ran into Baby Sis this morning in South Station. How freaking weird is that? I'm walking along and there's this girl walking ahead of me and I'm thinking, "I know that red ponytail." I yelled out to her and lo and behold, there was Baby Sis! It was a really great way to start the day, spending even five minutes with her while we walked down to the red and silver lines together.

Manny Ramirez has left the Red Sox and I don't know how I feel about that. On the one hand, I will miss his quirky ways (taking a pee break in the Wall, losing track of the outs, high fiving fans in the outfield). I will certainly miss his awesome bat and the way he and Ortiz kicked ass together. However, I will not miss him quitting in the middle of a penant race nor I will miss his attitude about management. He gets paid ridiculous money to chase a ball in left field and to make contact at the plate. He clearly loves his job. Shut up and be grateful they're willing to pay you for that.

Omar got us tickets for Sunday's game; we're going with his parents because they were a birthday gift to his mom. So I'm psyched because I haven't been to a game all season. But I'm also bummed because I used to love to watch Manny bat. Now he's a Dodger. Well, good on him. He can bitch with Nomar about how much the Red Sox suck.

Purchase and sale takes place Tuesday and the closing is on Aug 28. I can't believe I'm about to own property!

I Have Seen the Real Estate Market And I Have Kicked Its ASS

2008-07-23T21:55:00.003-04:00

Last night, Omar and I put an offer on a house.

Tonight, we heard back that we got it.

The relief is palpable. I think giddy might be an understatement. It's a split built into 1966 with hideous decor that's clearly going to be redone, but it's cheap, in a great neighborhood, and in the town we wanted. It's not anywhere near as nice as the house we lost, but it's got so much potential and it's perfect for us right now. We got all the appliances included and we got the house for $20K less than the selling price.

It needs a new roof, but we knew that going in so it's not going to be a surprise once the home inspection is done.

This is the most nerve wracking, exhausting thing I have ever done and it's over and I am so relieved and so excited. I always have to pee when I get nervous and I literally spent half my day in the ladies' room today after we didn't hear back from the seller. We heard tonight around eight o'clock and I haven't been able to sit still since.

It's going to be amazing. And the best part of all - NO BEIGE.

I Don't Want to Break His Fingers...

2008-07-03T21:41:00.002-04:00

... but I totally will if Omar doesn't stop poking at me.

Here's the thing about my husband. As much as I love him, he also annoys the living shit of me sometimes. He'll either talk endlessly while I'm trying to read or write or he'll keep poking at me with his foot or his finger or whatever while I'm trying to type. I know he just wants attention and affection, but it drives me up a goddamn wall.

Our new place has only hardwood floors or a laminate version of them. I'm not sure which yet. But at the other place, it was carpeted and he would sit on the floor so he could stretch out. The floor here isn't comfortable so we're sharing the couch. Which is only sort of working. It works fine when we're watching tv or a movie and want to cuddle. Not so much when I want to sit here and write and be left alone. Driving me batty.

Plus, he's doing weight watchers with me now so every time he puts something in his mouth he asks me questions. I'm glad he's doing the program with me because he does need to lose some weight and this, I think, is the safest option for him. And he's kind of adorable because he's taking it so seriously. (Well, he's always adorable, but that's besides the point) But sometimes I want to tell him to BE QUIET so I can think.

It doesn't help that we have boxes everywhere still and that 95% of my clothing and personal effects are still in boxes. So are his. He's been really good and patient, but every time we want to find something it becomes a freaking scavenger hunt. So annoying.

I'm trying to be good about the hellmouth, but I still hate it. There is literally no privacy in this place. None. I can't even surf the web without Omar looking over my shoulder. He's not being nosy, but there's no place for us to be apart. And as much as I love him and love spending time with him, I also need some alone time too.

Red Sox are kicking the Yankees' fucking asses tonight. I think Jon Lester might be my new baseball boyfriend. I seriously love him right now.

Welcome to the Hellmouth

2008-07-01T21:43:00.002-04:00

The Hellmouth is our new apartment. It's supposed to be a temporary place to live. Omar and I were going to put an offer on our dream house this week. A perfect 4 bedroom, 2 bath house with a big backyard and a new kitchen in the town where we want to live. Except Omar decided - and I went along with it because I didn't disagree strongly enough with him - that we should wait to put the offer out there until we had completed our move from our townhouse to the Hellmouth.

So just take a wild fucking guess what happened in the week and a half since we last spoke to our realtor?

If you guessed, someone else made an offer and the owners accepted it so now we're stuck here and having to start all over again to find a house that I'm not going to love even a fraction of the one we just missed out on then you win.

I can't stop crying. I have literally not stopped crying since Omar told me this. When he came home and told me, he said, "Are you mad at me?" and I answered him, "A little." Mostly, I am so, so sick to my stomach that eating dinner was an exercise in futility. I wanted to vomit the whole time. Even now, I'm so nauseous I can't help wondering why I bothered to eat.

We looked for this house FOREVER. We looked at houses for three months before we found this one. And now it's gone and we have to start all over. And we're stuck in this horrible apartment with everything we own still boxed up with this tiny little kitchen and this tiny little bathroom, surrounded by the smell of curry because every single other tenant on our floor and the one beneath us is Indian (and I don't mean to sound horrible about that, but it's a fact) in a town where I'm even further away from my friends and family where I don't know where anything is and I hate it. What was supposed to be temporary for four months suddenly looks less temporary and I can't handle that. I don't want to still be here in four months. I don't even want to be here now.

It's not like it's a bad place, because as apartments go it's one of the nicer ones I've lived in, but it's not home. It doesn't feel like home and it never will. Home was going to be that sweet little Cape we found and fell in love with. But because we had our priorities all screwed up, we lost it. Lesson learned, but what a horrible lesson it was. Omar asked the realtor if we could make a counter offer, but she told him that the other family had offered significantly more than what we would have offered.

I can't stop crying. I'm sitting here typing this with tears running down my face because I am so heartbroken right now that I don't know what else to do.

I got my promotion, which came with a raise, and I thought that maybe that was a sign that everything was starting to come together. The promotion, the house, maybe now we could focus more on the baby thing. But once again, nothing ever goes right for us and we've lost the one house we found that we both liked. We even lost the back up house, because there's an offer out on that as well.

So now we're starting at the beginning and I'm stuck here at the Hellmouth until we find something else. I hate it here. There's no privacy, there's no place to go if I want to be alone, there's not even a mall nearby if I want to just go someplace to browse or window shop. The only place near here is a freaking grocery store. And the traffic here is horrible. Getting into Boston took over an hour. That's not to say that traffic was always great coming out of Metro West, but it was better than the Expressway let me tell you. What a freaking nightmare that was yesterday.

I hate Tampa Bay. And I hate the Red Sox for losing to them twice this week. I pretty much hate everything and everyone right now. I'm so depressed about this house thing that I don't even know what to do. I can't even curl up with my comfort books and music because they're all still packed up in boxes. And my TiVo still isn't set up because we got rid of the phone and got broadband and I'm waiting for the wireless adapter to come to hook it up.

It's the place. It's sucking all my energy and all my positivity out of me. It's like it knows. Maybe it really is a Hellmouth. I just don't have the energy to deal with it right now. I'm too nauseous, upset and depressed to tackle it.

Crap. Now I need to blow my nose.

Round 2

2008-06-11T20:51:00.002-04:00

I'm up for another position at work. Not necessarily a promotion, but a different position that's a higher job grade and better pay. It's still service oriented, but it's more like a trouble shooter; I wouldn't be getting involved with clients unless there was a problem.

Everyone keeps telling me I'm a shoo in for the position, but I can't help but remember the last time everyone told me something like that. I ended up crying in the ladies' room and having a nervous breakdown when I got home from work.

Such is life.

Obsessive Behavior

2008-05-27T22:54:00.002-04:00

First of all, I don't remember why I was so irritated with Omar, except that he was being incredibly passive aggressive about something and that he made me so mad I wanted to slap him. I'm sure it had something to do with him being a manipulative bastard and guilting me into doing something I didn't want to do.

So my latest obsession is Law & Order Criminal Intent and, by extension, Vincent D'Onofrio. It is truly sad that he has let himself go the way he did. If you watch episodes from the fourth season (the one where Kathryn Erbe was on maternity leave), he looks fantastic. He also looks great, although very nineties-esque, in The Player and Dying Young. It is astonishing how attractive he was (and not that he's not now, he's just gotten very, very gray and has put on a considerable bit of weight). He's also a pretty good actor.

I'm shallow, sue me.

Passive Aggressive

2008-05-08T22:19:00.001-04:00

Sometimes, I want to slap Omar so hard my hand itches.

Omar is Home, Hurray!

2008-04-13T20:09:00.002-04:00

Omar went to Las Vegas for five days and left me here alone. I told him it was okay so I have nothing to complain about. I went to work, came home, ate dinner, went to bed. Not like it was the most exciting week in the world, but he's back so I don't care.

After we reacquainted ourselves, I let him sleep for a few hours and then made dinner. But first I had to give him the disappointing news that yet another "pee on the stick" endeavors came up negative again.

I'm going to have to call the doctor to find out why the tests are negative but there's no period. I really, really hope it's not the endometriosis rearing it's ugly head again.

But Omar is home and I'm so happy to see him. He really is the cutest thing ever.

Suck on THAT, Magic Number

2008-03-27T19:30:00.003-04:00

I lost five pounds my first week on Weight Watchers! Hurray!

I drink about twelve glasses of water a day, watch my portions, count my points. I can't say I love it, but damn it, it works.

So I peed on a stick this morning and once again, not pregnant. Surprisingly, I was not teary about this the way I was last month. It might be the excitement of losing weight, but I don't think so. I'm trying not to rush us about the baby thing, truly. But I'm almost a week late, so I thought I should see.

We sat behind the two most adorable little boys at Mass on Sunday and I got very teary watching them. They were just so sweet and so well-behaved. It was certainly more interesting than Mass, I can tell you.

Anyway, I'm tired of talking about how depressed I get when I get my period. I'm letting myself be excited about the weight loss because it's easier than focusing on what's truly missing.

Quit It Already!

2008-03-18T20:32:00.002-04:00

Dear American Idol, (especially Amanda Overmyer)

Stop butchering The Beatles. You're making my ears bleed. (Even you, cutie David A. There's only person who should sing The Long and Winding Road and I believe he just rid himself of an insane wife who is clearly the looniest woman alive)

Kisses,
Lucy.

PS - The second Beatles week was extremely ill-advised. They all sucked tonight.

That Horrible, Magic Number

2008-03-18T18:51:00.002-04:00

I know I've talked about the number; the number where if you get to it on the scale you decide to become anorexic.

I haven't stood on the scale in three weeks. This morning I did and I'm over that number. So not good. I joined Weight Watchers online this morning and am now contemplating, very seriously, everything I put in my mouth.

Tonight is one of those nights where Omar irritates the hell out of me just by breathing. I made one of those frozen meal in a bag dinners tonight that I'm embarrassed to admit I sometimes resort to. It wasn't a lot of food and I said that. He said, "No, no, I'm good. That's more than enough." Then, after dinner, he proceeded to eat half a bag of pistachios. But he also ate them in the loudest, most annoying way possible. I naturally commented on this and he was all, "Well, I had a small lunch and I didn't know I was hungry."

I wanted to smack him. I still sort of do.

But he is kind of cute.

Have a horrible headache and I feel like a whale. So tired and so sick of work and cold weather and now we're supposed to get more snow tomorrow.

Like that obnoxious fucking girl on American Idol during the audition stage, "whatevs."

Yet Another Reason Why Renting SUCKS

2008-03-16T19:15:00.000-04:00

Last week, we woke up after an evening of torrential downpours, to find a water stain on our ceiling. Which is, of course, indicative of a water leak somewhere. We called the landlord and heard nothing. In the meantime, after another day of horrific pouring rain and melting snow, the stain/leak got bigger and started to grow mold.

We called again and got nothing. So we sent a letter by registered mail.

Now, a full week and a day after the first phone call, we get a call from the landlord. Who is in Florida and just now "got the messages because the cell phone doesn't get reception here."

I call bullshit.

When Omar called last weekend, he left our cell phone numbers. But when they called today, they called his work cell phone, which he did not give, but which we put in the letter we sent.

They ignored our messages and didn't do anything till we put in writing. Well, suck on that landlord, I AM ON TO YOU.

Now, fix my goddamn ceiling.

Good-bye, David H.

2008-03-15T12:14:00.002-04:00

Oh, well.

I knew that the people I liked would probably have to go eventually. David Hernandez probably lost because of the whole squick factor, but I'm sure we'll hear from him again on some horrible VH1 reality show or something like that.

I like Michael Johns and Carly Smithson and Brooke White, but that's kind of it. David Archuleta is adorable, but he's a little annoying with that whole Melinda Doolittle humility vibe he's got going for him. I loathe Amanda Overmyer. I have no idea what people see in her.

Clinton and Obama are tearing each other apart and the only thing that's going to accomplish is getting McCain to look good. They need to stop the negative attacks and just campaign.

We're going to look at a house next Friday that's owned by friends of my parents. It's a fixer upper so that'll be interesting to see.

Went to dinner last night at Omar's favorite restaurant, John Harvard's. Since it was Friday during Lent we had to have meatless. I got a roasted cod and pasta dish and it's the first bad meal I ever had there. I should have gone with the fish and chips. The cod was bland and tasteless and the pasta was spicy. It was a very bad taste combination. Omar had the tuna steak and he said it was good.

I can't wait till Lent is over. I only really do the whole no meat thing on Fridays because Omar does it. And I haven't slipped once. Plus I haven't had a diet Coke (which is what I gave up for Lent) or any other kind of soda (except for the ginger ale I had while I was sick) since Lent started. That has actually been easier than I thought and I may just give up soda all together and keep drinking water and juice.

Watching Flip This House on A&E and it's the Richard Davis one. This episode has been pretty funny because the house itself didn't really need a lot of work; it was all cosmetic. So they did this whole thing where they thought it was haunted and brought in a psychic. It was kind of funny. I like the home improvement stuff better.

Woo Hoo

2008-03-10T18:48:00.003-04:00

Booked my vacay!!

Going to disney with the hubs and the rents, so we'll see how that goes. I can't remember the last time I went on vacation with my parents. Hmm. I do feel bad Baby Sis is not accompanying us, but the crowds alone at Disney World would put her in the hospital, never mind the rides. The rides might kill her.

We're leaving for FL on April 25 and coming back on May 1, so that we can go to Omar's friend's stupid wedding. Omar is also going to Vegas the first week in April, so that'll be fun for him and lonely for me.

But, psyched about my vacation!!

Squicked Out or Not Squicked Out?

2008-03-04T22:15:00.002-05:00

It's well documented in an entry below that I love David Hernandez.

And now it comes out that he was a stripper.

It does not make me love him one iota less. But it does slightly squick me out, kind of. Clearly, the guy is a talented singer. And I don't think we should throw stones. We've all done stupid things that I don't think anyone needs to know about. It's unfortunate that something he did came back to bite him, but I also think he's talented enough for people not to remember. There does not appear to be pictures or anything like that, so it's just the embarrassment for him of knowing that everyone now knows he took his clothes off and gave men lap dances at a gay bar.

Okay, nope, squicked out, still, kind of.

There's things I wouldn't want people to know (and here's the part where most people would list the things they don't want people to know but since I have a husband who someday wants to run for office I'm not going to list all the inappropriate places I've gotten drunk, had sex, or behaved in a less than ladylike manner) and that's okay. If David Hernandez was naive/foolish enough to believe that wasn't going to come out and bite him in the ass, well then, honey, I love you even more.

Still, Celine Dion?

There are some really great songs from the 80's. David Archeluta chose Phil Collins and David Hernandez chose Celine? At least it wasn't WHAM! Luke, what in the hell were you thinking?

902-Whatever

2008-03-03T21:36:00.002-05:00

So I admit. I watched 90210. I also watched the first few seasons of Melrose Place. But I was a big 90210 fan for a long time. And I never particularly found Brian Austin Green aka David Silver to be very good looking.

And yet, watching Terminator: The Sarah Chronicle Chronicles has completely revised my opinion. Maybe he's just hot scruffy and slightly homicidal. Or he's one of those people who gets better looking as he ages. Either way, whoo hoo. David Silver, you've grown up good.

I'm sorry, this stupid lie detector game show needs to go. It's not good and it makes people look insane.

And oh, David Silver, how delicious you look when you're scruffy and murderous.

Straight Up

2008-02-26T20:50:00.000-05:00

Seriously, I want Paula Abdul's pharmacologist. Although she is less crazy than usual.

I love David Hernandez. I've loved him since Hollywood week. And while I like Michael Johns he wasn't good tonight.

Seriously, though, David Hernandez. He rocks.

I Love Amoxicillin

2008-02-24T17:50:00.002-05:00

I ended up missing three straight days of work, not including the day I left early. On Thursday, I broke down and called the doctor because the sinus pain was so, so bad I was almost crying. I'm on antibiotics for ten days, but I feel so much better, it's awesome. I'm also taking Tylenol Cold and that stuff rocks. I will never, ever take DayQuil again. It sucks ass. I may not even take NyQuil again because the nighttime Tylenol stuff is awesome.

Obsessed with Jane Austen these days. I go through these cycles where I love things to death and right now I'm all about Jane Austen.

I'm so tired and shaky still. Even though I'm kind of looking forward to going back to work, I'm wiped out still from being sick. It's not like I had a restful week off or anything. I spent all of it blowing my nose (so much so that my skin is raw and peeling around my nose), hacking, sweating, napping, and drinking tea and cranberry juice. I did get to watch some good movies, though, on IFC. Although I watched The Golden Bowl and even though it was beautifully made, it was boring as all hell. I think they must have cut a ton of stuff out from the book to make the movie, but I just didn't get it.

Omar's birthday is Thursday and I'm getting him a nice briefcase.

DayQuil Sucks

2008-02-20T20:41:00.002-05:00

I have a nasty, nasty cold that caused me to leave work early yesterday and stay home today. I went through an entire box of tissues in one day. The DayQuil I took so far has done squat. If I can't shake this thing tonight, I'll have to stay home again tomorrow. I have never, since high school anyway, missed more than one day of work at a time. But I still feel like shit and I can't go two minutes without blowing my nose.

Someone needs to explain to me why Rashida Jones left The Office for the crap show she's doing for Fox.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

2008-02-16T11:30:00.003-05:00

It is very disappointing to know you are well qualified, eager, and ready for a job that you don't get.

I was up for a promotion at work and it was given to someone else. Not to be too conceited, but that's the first time that's ever happened to me. The Ops Manager in NH told me that had the job been available in Boston, I would have been the candidate for it. But because it was available in Portsmouth and because the people who work in Portsmouth don't work at the same pace as the Boston office, they felt it wasn't a good fit.

He told me my interview was great, that my management experience was "spot on" and that they loved my answers to the questions they asked. But because I told them, honestly, that patience is sometimes my opportunity, they said I wouldn't be a good fit there because the people who work in that office need someone with more patience.

I was okay at work. I had a good cry in the ladies' room and then went back to my desk and did my job because I'm a grown up and that's what you do. My workflow came up to me in the afternoon and told me that it was bullshit and he thought I got screwed. He also told me that he was of the opinion that they were always going to promote someone out of the Portsmouth office and that they had to interview in Boston for form's sake.

I was able to get through the day. I read on the train home, but as soon as I didn't have anything to distract me I lost. I cried on the walk home from the train. I took a shower and came downstairs and watched Jane Eyre and then Omar called me from where he was at school.

I had practically begged him not to go to school last night. I was having such a hard day. My day started with my train being a half hour late, getting into an argument with a person on the bus ride to work who was being a complete bitch (a total stranger!), getting to work and getting an email from baby sis that not all was right with my parents which meant I'd have to put up with that bullshit this weekend, and then my first seven phone calls of the day were from people who just wanted to yell.

Then I get the call from the Ops Manager that I didn't get the job. I think the only thing worse that could have happened that day was getting hit by a car on the way home from the train. I could even see it happening in my mind.

Anyway, he called me to see if I had eaten anything and I hadn't. He also said he wasn't going to be home when he thought he would. I was all alone and so upset and I just wanted him to come home. There was no money in the house and the thought of cooking something made me sick. We got into a horrible argument on the phone and I blurted out to him that I would never have left him by himself if he had been upset; if it had been me, I would have skipped school to be with him.

I didn't mean to make him feel bad, but I don't think he truly understood how upset I was about not getting this job. I've never not gotten a job I interviewed for. I'm always the first choice and I've never had to deal with that. And I know that makes me sound like a total bitch, but I've only had four jobs since I left college. I just felt so overwhelmed about being passed over. Plus, I was tired this week and cranky anyway that morning. I just wanted him to come home and take care of him and he wouldn't.

I didn't mean to make him feel bad, but I wanted him to understand that he'd let me down. He's at school today and I'm going to my parents' house for dinner. But he did. I needed him and he put school first. When he said he'd come home, I told him to stay because the truth was, he would've only come home because I asked him to and that would've made me feel even worse and believe me, I didn't need to feel worse about myself than I already did. I wanted him to come home because he wanted to come home and take care of me, for me to be more important than what he was doing.

I'm not proud of that. But my self-esteem was pretty far into the toilet yesterday; it don't think it could've gotten any lower. He was so sweet when he did come home, at midnight. But I was so out of it, I had not idea what was going on. The only thing I'm happy about for yesterday is that I didn't drink when I got home. Believe me, I wanted to, but I held out. I've got another week before I'm late and I guess the only good thing that came from this whole fiasco is that I don't have to worry about my job now if I do get pregnant this year.

Someone at work told me not to make any decisions for a couple weeks, so I won't. But I'm not going to stay someplace where they're going to promote people less qualified than me because it's easier for them.

I can't even begin to say how utterly disappointed I am in how things turned out. The good thing is that I know I'm mature enough to get through it. When I called Omar to tell him I didn't get the job, he told me to tell my boss I needed to take the rest of the day off. That, to me, was the total wrong move. I stayed and I worked and I worked on my projects and helped people and did what I needed to do. I know that was the right thing, but I sure as hell didn't feel any better about myself at the end of the day.

I still don't. And I have no idea how I'm going to feel at work on Monday.

Good-bye, Guy Smiley

2008-02-07T21:04:00.000-05:00

And you're done.

So suck on that.

You failed and I'm laughing all the way to the polls.

Who Cares?

2008-02-03T21:42:00.000-05:00

I'm so not a football fan. And I married a huge football fan. More specifically, I married a Patriots fan. Who also will watch any other football game he can, but he loves him some Patriots.

Which is why watching the Super Bowl with him tonight has been slightly hazardous. He shouts at the t.v. He throws his arms and legs around. He shouts at the t.v. A lot. Loudly. Things like, "Kick it!" "Run, you bastard!" and my personal favorite, "Noooo!!"

While it's funny, it's so not a restful way to spend a Sunday evening.

It's also cute that he talks to me like I actually care about how this game ends.

Dear People Magazine, US, InTouch, OK!, ETC.

2008-01-31T18:51:00.000-05:00

ENOUGH WITH THE BRITNEY COVERAGE

We get it, she's crazy. You're probably making her crazier.

NO ONE CARES.

Move it along.

Kisses,
Lucy

... It Goes On

2008-01-23T19:49:00.000-05:00

I spent the whole day today thinking about Heath Ledger. Not in a morbid, TMZ, stalker kind of way. But thinking about the people who are affected by his loss and how those people are now having to share their grief with millions of people who never met him.

It must be horrible to be a celebrity. Think about it. Acting, singing, entertaining, athletics - those are jobs, just like mine. Granted, mine is less well-paid and doesn't seem like as much as fun as those, but they're jobs. And I think, from reading articles today about Heath Ledger, that even acting and singing and entertaining must suck from time to time. To be really good, like HL or Daniel Day Lewis or Charlize Theron, you have to immerse yourself completely into the role and live it. And clearly some of those people struggle with that and with coming out of it. Clearly, HL struggled if there were anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills and sleeping medication in his home.

But the horrible things about celebrity - being followed by the paparazzi, losing all your privacy, etc. - must make your job worse. I don't feel sorry for people like Britney Spears. She courts it. She thrives on it. People liked HL and his ex moved to Brooklyn to get away from that and to raise their daughter in a normal place.

Now, even though this is a private moment and a private tragedy for his family and friends, they will share his death and their sadness with millions of people. The only good part of that is that the people they are sharing it with, for the most, truly mourn his passing. I know I do. I already had 10 Things I Hate About You on my list of DVDs to buy this year and was planning on replacing my VHS copy of The Patriot with a DVD this year if I could get it for cheap, but now I definitely will, maybe even this weekend. I want to pay my own tribute to him, even if it's something as stupid as watching a movie of his I liked. And I don't want to intrude on his family's grief. But I hope that they take comfort from the fact that so many people liked and enjoyed his talent and that we all feel a little bereft now that he's gone.

Shock

2008-01-22T20:57:00.000-05:00

When I logged on to MSNBC today to check and see what the market had finally closed at, I did not expect its red banner to read: Breaking News: Actor Heath Ledge Dead at 28. I thought it was a joke at first.

I've been stunned all afternoon since reading this. I just watched 10 Things I Hate About You last week on tv. I couldn't even believe it. I still can't believe it.

I loved him. Had such a crush on him after The Patriot. And now to know that his daughter will grow up without him and that the world lost someone so talented. That's just so, so sad.

I think when older celebrities die, you have a moment of nostalgia for them and what they stood for. When young ones, like Heath Ledger, pass, you just sit there unable to believe it. He was younger than I was. He had so much more ahead of him and now it's gone and whether that was an accident due to an overdose or suicide, it's just such a waste and a loss.

I just can't stop thinking about his poor daughter who will never know her father now. Hopefully, she will know how much her father loved her and be able to take comfort in that.

What. Ever.

2008-01-16T21:08:00.001-05:00

I want whatever Paula Abdul's on.

If it's prescription medication, I need to talk to my doctor. Because that stuff's gotta be awesome.

A Vague Disclaimers Is Nobody's Friend

2008-01-16T18:26:00.000-05:00

So Guy Smiley snuck in and won the MI primary. Hmmm. Perhaps the Apocalypse really is upon us. Where's Buffy andd Angel when you need them?

Also, someone needs to explain to me why there are apparently no democrats in South Carolina
since only Republicans are having a primary there this weekend.

My boss told me today that the ops manager on my floor doesn't want to promote me not because he doesn't like me, but because I'm needed in my chair until the end of tax season. It's about what he needs, according to my boss. My response? Well, that's not what I need. I did my year. I'm allowed, after my year, to start applying for other jobs in the company. So I will.

There's a position that may be opening up in our Portsmouth office and I will apply for it. Omar just got a new job with a significant raise so we're going to be looking for a house. We'll probably still stay in Massachusetts (holy crap does Michael Douglas suck at announcing Brian Williams), but just move closer to the NH border. Omar will still be working in MA, so it doesn't make sense to leave completely.

Erin Burnett from CNBC just said "Asians and Arabs" like they were swear words. Look, foreign governments are buying into the American economy like whoa. They saw an opportunity and they came in from the kill. How is that not like Americans? Now the debate is whether or not this is a bad thing or a good thing is about to take over business news.

For the love of God, can we please stop talking about Guy Smiley's win?? The man makes me nauseous. I can't even talk about it anymore.

Omar told me the other day he thinks he might want to run for political office in a few years. God help me if anyone ever writes anything about him the way I write about Guy Smiley.

Suck It, Guy Smiley

2008-01-08T20:34:00.000-05:00

Not that I'm a huge McCain fan, but it's very nice to see Mitt Romney lose. Or, rather, projected to lose. I would love it if Romney got his ass kicked all the way back to wherever the hell he came from before he came to Massachusetts and fucked this place up.

Thanks, Guy Smiley, and I hope you continue to get your ass kicked throughout primary season, you douchebag.

2008

2008-01-02T19:47:00.000-05:00

Resolutions:

1) Lose 20 lbs

2) Get pregnant (which, possibly, could negate the above)

3) Switch everything that's still in my maiden name over to my married name

4) Open a ROTH IRA

5) Remember to get the oil changes on the CRV in a more timely fashion

6) Have more patience with my parents and sister

7) Curb the cursing

8) Get promoted

9) Get a physical

10) Get my eyebrows waxed every five weeks and pluck in between

11) Exercise more

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-26T22:10:00.000-05:00

Christmas was lovely this year and my parents, as always, were incredibly generous, as were Omar's. Omar himself gave me a very nice, very large jewelry box that needs its own table to sit on because it will not fit on my dresser. And since I own more jewelry than some countries' royal families, this was needed.

I had a wonderful Christmas Eve with my parents, an enjoyable day with my inlaws, and a great time with my husband. I hope everyone else did as well and that the new year is just as peaceful and joyful.

Sad News

2007-12-13T18:35:00.000-05:00

My mom called me to make sure I made it home today in the snow storm. Normally, I would detail how shitty the weather is and how much I hate the MBTA, plus go into detail about my horrible hangover. But what my mother told me has put my day into perspective.

One my friends from high school passed away on Sunday. She was 29 years old and she died from an aggressive form of breast cancer. As I sit here on my couch, I can remember exactly what she looked like, even the sound of her voice. It makes me so sad to know that someone as kind as she was is no longer in this world. I haven't seen her in over 10 years, but she was one of the few people from high school I wouldn't have spit on if I saw her in the street. She always made me laugh and the two of us were just so hopeless at physics. We were lab partners senior year in high school and we used to have fun.

God bless you, Shannon, and I'm glad that wherever you are now, you are at peace.

Okay, Now My Body Is Just Mocking Me

2007-12-07T18:33:00.000-05:00

Yet another update on the neverending drama that is my menstrual cycle:

60 days between periods (again)
This time it was a little worse than last time (but mild in comparison to everything before)
Once again, little to no pain

So, let me get this straight. After being told for all these years that the pill would make me feel better, it actually might have made me feel worse? I half want to go to my gyno and strangle him.

Whatever, the most important thing is no pain. And the most depressing thing is no baby. Upside? I can have myself a big ol' glass of wine tonight since this was the week from hell at work. Why oh why are stupid people so damn dumb? And why are they allowed to use telephones?

Example, a financial advisor asked me today if the market was going to go up or down next week. And he wasn't asking my opinion. He was asking me to tell him how to invest his client's money so the client wouldn't lose anything out of his investments. My answer? "Sir, if I knew how the market was going to perform next week, I wouldn't need to work here. Or anywhere. Ever again. Also, I'm not licensed to give you financial advice." Left unsaid there was the point that HE was licensed for financial advice.

I swear to God, you can't make this stuff up. Nor can I make up the fact that there are people out there like that who hold their clients' financial futures in their hands. Please, please, people, if you do nothing else, hire an advisor who is not a complete tool and knows the difference between the type of investments you have. To me there's nothing scarier than taking that phone call from the financial advisor who says, "I don't know what I sold this guy. Can you explain it to me? He's coming into the office in five minutes, so you need to be fast." I am not kidding you.

Getting a Christmas tree and baking Christmas cookies this weekend. Also going to buy some real boots for the winter. I would like Uggs because I know they're super warm, but I need something practical too. To LL Bean Omar and I go! Hurray!

The Amazing Baby Sis and The Acceptance Letter

2007-11-25T11:11:00.000-05:00

So, Baby Sis decided she needed another master's degree (as if one wasn't enough) and we in the Rock Starr house were incredibly supportive of that decision. She applied to 4 schools; two in NYC, one in RI, and one in Boston. Needless to say, we were really hoping the RI and Boston schools came through for her because the thought of Baby Sis being in the big bad city that has more Yankees fans than anyone in this world needs was not a comforting thought for us. Her health problems alone made this somewhat a dicey situation, not to mention the fact that I know my sister and having her three to four hours away from Mom and Daddy and me and Omar was not going to be good for her or, really, any of us. So of course, she gets into one of the NYC schools and hears nothing from the schools where we would have preferred her to be.

Until Friday.

My baby girl got into the Boston school and the happy dance I did around my living room made me breathless. We squealed like six year olds being taken to Chuck E Cheese for the first time. I called Omar right away and told him the news. I don't think he realized the significance of how exciting this moment was, but he was better about it when he got home.

The first thing we realized is that our place is too small for the three of us and the baby we're hoping to have in the next year or so. Which is one of the million and three reasons why I love my husband. His first thought was that when we looked for a house, we should look for a place that has an extra room for my sister. What other man would think that?

Anyway, Baby Sis is safe from Yankees fans and she'll be just where she should be. I am so proud of her right now I can't even put it into words. She's really got something now to look forward and I think that will really make the difference for her. She'll start this summer and it will be so good for her to have something like this again. She'll be able to do what she likes and then, hopefully, find a job that she likes. Which is really what she deserves.

Guy Smiley Is Hoodwinking This Country

2007-11-11T11:26:00.000-05:00

I don't get it.

While I haven't made a definitve decision yet on who I'd like to see as President of the United States (right now it's between Obama and Hillary, and both of them have their merits and faults), I can tell you one person whom I'd rather not see as president: former Mass. governor Mitt Romney.

I'm not a Massachusetts native. I grew up in southern NH (or as my pal Rich likes to call it, northern Massachusetts). I have to admit, I like living in Massachusetts more now than I did when I first moved here. There's still a lot of things I don't like about it, but I like working in Boston and I like the Metro West area where I live. I don't enjoy the outrageous fare hikes from the MBTA, the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority and their ridiculousness, or the cost of the Big Dig. But Massachusetts has a variety that NH doesn't, in many ways. It's certainly more culturally aware and more diverse, which I like.

One of the things I like both most and least about Massachusetts is politics. When I was growing up and wanted to be a lawyer, I always thought I'd enter politics someday. I had a teacher in high school who always told me he thought I'd be the first female governor of NH (this was before Jeanne Shaheen). It felt like a natural fit because I was active in community politics in the town where I grew up, even though I couldn't vote until my senior year in high school. I still find politics interesting, but I also find it wearying as well. There's nothing honorable about it, not that there ever really was, but the thing that finally turned me off the whole process was the Gore-Bush elections that totally showed how our system doesn't really work anymore. How can you win the popular vote and lose the election? Doesn't the fact that the citizens of the US chose Al Gore mean anything?

Apparently not.

Anyway, Massachusetts totally cemented itself in the "What the Hell Were You People THINKING?" Hall of Fame when it elected Mitt Romney as governor. He has been nicknamed Guy Smiley by many people and that's how I refer to him. The man had absolutely zero interest in this state. It was a stepping stone for the presidency and he at least should have been honest about it. His douchebaggery here still angers me to no end. He spent the entire last year of his elected term campaigning elsewhere. The Boston Globe kept track of how many days he actually spent in Massachusetts and the number was staggeringly low.

Right now, he's airing these commericials about illegal immigration that make me want to throw things at the television. He's talking about how he empowered the Massachusetts State Troopers to stop and arrest illegal immigrants, yadda yadda yadda. What he doesn't tell you is that Deval Patrick reversed that practice within weeks of taking office.

What bothers me most about Romney (besides his total disagreement with every view I hold dear) is his disrespect for the people of Massachusetts and his hypocrisy. He got to office in Massachusetts by supporting abortion rights and gay marriage, amongst other things. And what does he do? He professes to being "wrong" about abortion and having his mind changed by the anti-abortion lobby. He thanks these people for turning him around.

Dude, come off it. Everybody in this country has an opinion on abortion and it's a polarizing issue that's very personal. He said what he needed to say about abortion to get elected in Massachusetts and now that he doesn't need Massachusetts anymore, he's pandering to the Christian right who won't elect a pro-choice candidate.

And don't get me started on the gay marriage thing. He was all about supporting gay marriage and agreed with the SJC when it ruled that gay marriage was allowed by law. Then, he totally about-faced on it and started that completely bigoted and inappropriate rant about how marriage is between a man and a woman and he moved for a state constitutional amendment to ban it.

It makes me angry to see him touting his conservative politics when he was here touting himself as a compassionate conservative who supported minority and liberal causes while still holding dear the fiscal values of a republican. He used the people of this state to manuever himself into a political office just so he could run for a bigger one. His being the governer was never about wanting to make a difference in this state (although maybe it's not for any candidate), but about stepping on the people who elected him to get where he wanted to be.

Guy Smiley is hoodwinking this country with his crap and it's pissing me off. He's a smug hypocrite and I sincerely hope he gets his ass kicked in the presidential elections. I can tell you one vote he won't have.

SWEEP!!!

2007-10-29T19:24:00.000-04:00

If it hadn't been one o'clock in the morning and I wasn't beyond exhausted, I would have totally recapped last night. Wild elation, nausea over the drama (Delcarmen! Oki! Don't DO that to me!), and then wild elation all over again.

They so deserve it and Mike Lowell is the sweetest, most generous player to ever walk out of that clubhouse and if they let him go for Alex Fucking Jackass Rodriguez, I will weep. I was so happy for them, especially guys like Schilling and Timlin (might be the last in Sox uniforms), Kielty (that homerun, holy shit!), and of course, Pedroia and Ellsbury. Other teams talk about being a team; I really, truly believe it when these guys do. They rise together and they fall together and they fucking WIN together. Everyone, from Papelbon and Varitek to Hinske and Kielty to Papi and Manny, they all worked together to bring this back to Boston. They truly are the best team in baseball and I love to watch them play and win triumph.

Even JD Drew gets my love tonight.

C'mon, Schilling!

2007-10-25T20:58:00.000-04:00

I can't even talk about it.

First off, yesterday was incredible.

Secondly, these yahoos that Fox have on for their pre-game and mid-game shows need to shut up.

Thirdly, HOW AWESOME IS DUSTIN PEDROIA?? I take it back, everything I said about getting rid of Loretta in favor of Pedroia, I take back. He is a god.

Fourthly, Kevin Youkilis needs to shave off that thing on his face AND keep hitting the ball like that. I thought he was going to fall down at home plate last night, though, when he was chugging along from first to home on that double from Ortiz (Congrats on the engagement, Youk!).

Fifthly (fifth?), SUCK IT ROCKIES.

Seriously, though, one game does not a series win. Schilling needs to buckle down, cowboy up, whatever. He just needs to do this.

And Joe Buck and Tim McCarver need to SHUT UP.

Do Or Die

2007-10-20T20:09:00.000-04:00

Tonight the Sox have to win or they're eliminated from the playoffs. And my parents got tix for the game because the parent of one of my mom's former students is the GM for the Lowell Spinners, which is the Sox's triple A affiliate. My mom keeps calling me from Fenway on her cell phone and my dad is texting me. I'm so excited for them because my dad's never been to a playoff game before. He's so psyched!

They seriously need to not lose. This is it. They either do this or they're done. The stress is just too much for me. And I loathe Fox so much it's not even funny.

Yesterday at work was kind of hard. When I got to my building, there was crime scene tape everywhere and we were being re-routed to the bank or starbucks' entrance that share the ground floor of our building. I said to one of the guys who works on my floor, "What's going on?" and he pointed to something in the road and said, "Is that a body?" I looked at it hard and sure enough, it was a body. One of the girls in my group was in starbucks and told me that a security guard had jumped from the twelfth floor of our building. Our lobby is floor to ceiling windows so as I was walking to the elevator, I could see the body on the road, covered by a sheet. Even though the sheet was covering him, you could still see blood and bits and things. I don't think I stopped being nauseous until I got home that night and got a big hug from Omar. It just makes me so sad. And it made me angry that the police left the guy in the road for so long, too. I realize they had to investigate, but there was no need to leave that man there. I had never been so glad to leave work that day.

I Will Kill, Well, Maybe Seriously Maim

2007-10-15T22:04:00.001-04:00

For the love of God, Tim McCarver needs to shut up.

I realize he's just crazy, so I don't know what Joe Buck's excuse is. How many freaking ways can they repeat themselves? First we had the "Jason Varitek is using his thumb, that means Matsuzaka has more than 4 pitches," inanity. Then it was the "Three days vs five days rest for Beckett" stupidity that went on for ten minutes and was totally pointless since they also acknowledge Terry Francona is pretty committed to putting Wake in for game 4.

It's just moronic. And what bugs me the most is the way every announcer who's not from New England favors the other team, in this case the Indians. They're talking about the Sox like they're dead and gone. They're losing Game three by 2 freaking runs. They're not over and out. They had the greatest comeback in history in 2004 and let's not forget some of the miracles they've pulled off the season, including the Mother's Day game, Curt Schilling's near no hitter, and all those other amazing come from behind moments that make the Red Sox so alternately wonderful and hugely frustrating.

As long as Gagme doesn't get into this game, my heart rate will stay steady. That guy is such a loser. He makes me so damn nauseous I literally turn green. Not a good color for me, clashes with the freckles.

30 - The First Day

2007-10-13T11:48:00.000-04:00

CC Sabathia totally made my birthday. TOTALLY.

So the first game of the ALCS being on my birtday was a good omen. In 2004, the ALCS started on my birthday and they went on to win the whole thing.

Omar's birthday gift also made my day. A beautiful, beautiful gold necklace with a lovely diamond drop really does lift your spirits. He has nice taste in jewelry. It matches my wedding bands and the earrings he gave me Christmas a few years ago. I don't own a lot of gold jewelry, so I'm on a hunt for costume stuff that I can wear with it. I know you can mix silver and gold these days, but I'm somewhat of a traditionalist in that sense.

Omar turns 30 in February, so now I have to think of something good to get him. I was thinking about a nice leather laptop case/briefcase, because you should see the ratty tatty thing he totes around that his mother gave him after we graduated from college. He's used it to death. He has a nice backpack that he bought himself to tote the laptop to and from class, but once class is done and he's not toting the laptop around, it will become slightly superfluous. He has a watch, a nice one, it just needs a new battery (although one of mine does too). I don't mean to say we're in competition for who gives the better gift and it's more of a thoughtfulness thing than anything else, but I want to wow him the way he always wows me with gifts. The only time I ever really, really left him speechless was the year I gave him an iPod for Christmas. That was when they were still really new and cost a fortune. It was before we were married and I was actually making more money than him at that point, but with every promotion he got he passed me on the pay scale. Then I quit the store and started in the basement for pay again.

I just had a raise go through and semi-promotion go through at my job. Instead of a service rep for the company, now I'm a senior rep, which was a $4K pay raise and more responsibility. They want me to transfer to the Portsmouth facility eventually, but we're going to have to see what happens with Omar after he graduates in the spring. We'd like to live closer to my parents, just because if a baby does happen to come along my mother could probably convinced to watch it. She's bugging me enough for grandkids, that's for sure.

Off to return some of the clothes I bought at Old Navy because they are ill fitting (dress shirts are tough- they don't button well enough across the chest, but if you buy them the next size up they're too big. I cannot win here, people) and to buy a birthday gift for Daddy-O. We're on our way up to NH this afternoon for annual birthday dinner of spaghetti and meatballs with the fam. I've had the same dinner on my birthday every year since I was nine. And Daddy-O always makes me chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. It's nice how, even at thirty, your parents still want to baby you like you were six.

Watch out, Carmona! Ramirez and Big Papi are on to you. YOU ARE TOAST.

29 Going On 30

2007-10-12T10:39:00.000-04:00

Today is my 30th birthday.

My life plan was to finish the novel, have a baby and be a lawyer by this date. 0 for 3.

But there are other things that I have to be grateful for, mainly that my family is well and healthy (for the most part) and that I have a wonderful husband who loves me and whom I love. So it's not really so awful, I suppose. I spent most of my 25th birthday in tears because of how my pathetic life was and I'm determined not to do that today. My life isn't pathetic, it's just taken a different path from what I thought it would be. And I don't mind that path very much at all.

John Mayer Got It Wrong

2007-10-08T21:02:00.000-04:00

My body totally is not a wonderland. It is a fucked up thing.

So I spend all these years on the pill in the hopes that it will help my poor messed up reproductive system and relieve the pain of periods. Want to know the cruel, cruel irony? I just got my period, 54 days after the last one, and guess what? No bloating, no pain, no back aches, nada. How is this fucking possible? The only bad thing? My face is breaking out. Not badly or anything, but enough so that it's annoying.

Sox swept the Angels and I can't even talk about how excited that makes me. Now if the Yankees would just die... I mean lose...

SUCK IT YANKEES

2007-09-29T11:25:00.001-04:00

That's right. We won the division. SUCK IT.

BBC America Reads My Mind

2007-09-11T23:41:00.000-04:00

I TiVo a lot of BBC America. Right now I'm really into Coupling so I've been tivoing it every night. But with a new tv season coming up, there's a lot of stuff coming back that I would like to see and wouldn't necessarily have time to watch, in terms of BBC America because football is back and I don't own the remote for the next 16+ Sundays.

So tonight MI-5 announced that next week is the season finale, so that's one less show to TiVo. I might end up seeing it on tv anyway what with the writer's strike looming. Apparently, networks are looking at using originals dramas from other english speaking countries to fill the void should there be a strike and MI-5 is one of the dramas they're looking at. That would be cool.

Hydration

2007-08-29T21:52:00.000-04:00

I'm obsessed with how much water I'm drinking and/or not drinking as the case may be. It's gotten to be this thing. Today I drank 3 liters of water, plus a medium sized earl gray tea. I swear to god, I went to the ladies' room about six times today. And one of those times was after a thirty minute phone call with a broker where I had to pee the whole time. I practically walked cross-legged to the ladies when I got off the phone.

I elected to watch the Law & Order marathon on tnt tonight and tivo Hotel Babylon later on tonight. I like HB because it's campy and the actress from Red Cap is on it (I really liked that show and was bummed when it was canceled). But Tamzin Outzewaite is totally not ageing well. She's showing some serious sun damage.

And I hate the Yankees. And JD Drew. And Theo Epstein for being a moron and thinking JD Drew was a good deal.

First One In A Long Time

2007-08-13T18:06:00.000-04:00

So, not to be gross, but for the first time in what feels like forever, I got my period. This was depressing for two reasons. A) it meant I wasn't pregnant (not that I expected to be, I mean I just went off the pill a couple weeks ago) and b) it meant I was in EXCRUCIATING pain from Friday to Sunday.

I don't know if it was just that the memory of the pain had dimmed since it had been so long since I'd gotten a period or if I just blocked it because I didn't want to think about it. Either way, I hate my body. There's the usual issues of weight gain and bad hair and needing an eyebrow wax desperately when it comes to my body. But add that horrifying bloat that makes my pants uncomfortable and it's so not good. People think I'm kidding about the bloat, but I'm so totally not. I have tried everything: diuretics, period pills (like pamprin or motrin), drinking huge amounts of water so I have to pee every five minutes, even gas medicine like phasyme. Nothing works. I can't get rid of it. I'm so bloated my clothes don't fit. And I don't wear tight clothes.

But it's almost over. Another day or so. And the bloat is mostly gone. Hurray for that.

Sorry to be so gross.

My Husband Is A Weirdo

2007-08-08T21:54:00.000-04:00

One of my best friends sells insurance for a living. We got some quotes from her for insurance and they were kind of high for life insurance. So we got some quotes from another company. And they were better.

The problem with doing business with friends is that you have to tell them when you're not going to do business with them. We're still going to use her for auto and home, just not for life. And I have to tell her that. Which is fine, because I warned her from the start that we would do what was best for us financially, but that we were willing to hear her out. So now I have to finish this up with her.

But Omar has not stopped talking about the life insurance thing since the guy left an hour ago. He's all excited about this and wants to keep talking about it. Look, you buy life insurance for when someone dies. I don't want to be talking about my husband dying when he's not even thirty yet. I'm all set with it. I don't know if we got enough insurance, but we can always add more once we have kids. So that's good.

The weather has been disgusting. Horrifyingingly disgusting. It's humid and hot and today it stormed. Even though I had an umbrella, it looked like I had showered in my clothes when I walked into my building. Blah.

MBTA Sucks

2007-08-01T20:48:00.000-04:00

My train this morning was 20 minutes late arriving to pick me up for work. Fuckers left me to BROIL in the sun, wearing a black top, sweating like crazy. I don't even bother to do my hair any more for work. It's so hot and humid out that by the time I've walked down to the train station, my hair is limp and damp from sweat. I stink by the time I get there, too, and my clothes are all damp. And I'm not even walking fast! I give myself PLENTY of time to get there in the mornings so I don't have to rush, but I still end up with sweaty, damp hair and skin, with my clothes sticking to me uncomfortably. And forget it if the train's late. There's practically no shade at the station. I look disgusting by the time I get to work. I have to work from the Silver Line to work, too, so that's another 5-10 minutes out in the sun, getting all sweaty and stinky again after the a/c from the trains has finally dried me off.

I hate New England humidity.

The End of Harry Potter

2007-07-21T18:26:00.000-04:00

It was incredible. I giggled, I sobbed, I sighed.

I won't say anything about the plot or about the end because I don't want to spoil it, but I could not put the book down. I couldn't. I read all 749 pages in five hours. I could not stop reading. I stopped for 10 minutes to take a shower, but that was still in the beginning of the book.

I just... I literally wept during this book. I haven't done that since The Far Pavillions.

I'm glad it ended the way it did. It felt like the right way to end the book.

The Pfeiffer Sisters

2007-07-17T19:51:00.000-04:00

Michelle and Dedee Pfeiffer can't be biologically related. How is one Michelle Pfeiffer and the other one Dedee Pfeiffer? I mean, Michelle Pfeiffer is an Oscar nominated babe who makes men drool. Dedee Pfeiffer is not. Not to say that she's not cute, even pretty. But she is so totally not Michelle.

Anyway, I'm wiped out. I'm tired and I'm cranky and I hate the heat and I need a vacation. A serious, serious vacation where I do not go to work. I'm tired. And Omar doesn't help being all cute and "stay awake and hang out."

Plus, I go off the pill in three weeks and I'm terrified of it.

Things That Make You Go Hmm...

2007-06-03T18:09:00.000-04:00

E! is showing Office Space

The ending of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Why people bring young children to totally inappropriate films

Orlando Bloom

Finding bras you thought you'd lost when you actually get to the bottom of the laundry pile

The ending of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Why ESPN insists on ruining my Sunday by showing the Sox game at 8 PM

Bad Comcast and Verizon commercials.

The ending of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.

Okay, seriously, I really liked the whole trilogy. It was alternately funny, exciting, and lame in a great kind of way. And I was really into the last movie. I was like, "I think this is the best of the bunch!" Then the ending. I don't know. I don't think I liked the ending. I feel like it was kind of a downer. After all of those movies, didn't everyone deserve a happy ending? I don't know. I feel a little Hmmm... about this ending.

FOX Announcers Blow

2007-06-03T12:28:00.000-04:00

I seriously hate all announcers who are not Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo when they call Red Sox games. Yankees-Sox games always show up on national t.v. because it's the Red Sox and the Yankees. These are not ordinary teams. They are mythic. And instead of calling the fucking game, like they're paid to, they put camera shots on A-Rod, talk about his tabloid troubles, talk about other things and don't fucking CALL THE GAME. Dude, this is not your living room. This is MY living room.

Jerry and Don may get the giggles and talk about things other than the game, but they always interrupt their side conversation to call the game. Because that's what they're paid for and that's what they know the viewers want.

ESPN announcers are almost as bad as FOX. And ESPN starts the games so late. Here's the thing, the average baseball game is almost three hours. The average Red Sox Yankees game is almost four hours. I have to catch a 6:50 AM train tomorrow. How am I supposed to watch a Sox game that starts at 8 and doesn't end till almost midnight? With the inane chatter of those ridiculous announcers? No one is worse than Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, in my opinion; Daddy hates the ESPN announcers more. I gotta go with FOX. Ever since McCarver called Bronson Arroyo by the wrong name during a playoff run, I've been highly annoyed with him. Show some respect, McCarver, and learn the damn names of the players in the game you're supposed to be paying attention to!

Yesterday's game was UNBELIEVABLE. Mike Lowell clearly felt bad about incapicitating Doug Mankiewicz, although his play with Cano at second was totally called for after Rodriguez threw an elbow at Pedroia's groin while heading into second a couple weeks ago. Personally, I think Alex Rodriguez is a dick. He may be a gifted baseball, but he's an asshat with a superiority complex and I think he deserves whatever he gets in the media. And no one is more brutal than a Boston fan. We have incredibly long memories and no one loathes like we do. It's why we can't forgive Johnny Damon, but we still love Trot Nixon. Some people leave here with class and they get standing ovations when they come back. Some people leave here and bitch about not getting respect and they get booed. Dude, you left because you wanted more money than what was offered. At least be honest about it and stop whining that management disrespected you. You're an injury prone center fielder with a shitty arm who happens to be able to hit in the leadoff spot really, really well. You should have been a DH, but the DH we already have kicks your ass nine ways to Sunday. You weren't disrespected; you were superfluous. Count yourself lucky you got an offer at all.

Whatever. The fucking Yankees are 13 1/2 games out of first and that's fine with me. Josh Beckett's got an 8-0 record and Mike Lowell and Kevin Youkilis are on fire. That's perfectly fine with me. Now, if JD Drew would just get his shit together...

Brangelina

2007-05-23T22:16:00.000-04:00

I know we're supposed to be all anti-Angelina Jolie these days because she's kind of an aloof bitch, according to the tabloids. And she and Brad may not have actually consummated the affair while he was married to what'shername, but they were probably a little too close for colleagues. Whatever. I don't care. I love that girl. I think she and Brad Pitt are the most gorgeous couple and I love their blended, multi-cultural family.

Look, the girl came a long way. She was a wild child who married inappropriate men and did inappropriate things in public (and probably way more inappropriate things in private). She was kind of a psycho and people overlooked her talent because she was so weird. But give her credit where credit's due: girl got her shit together. For a long time, she was a devoted single mom (you never saw that kid with a nanny). She became a pretty devoted philanthropist. And as she's getting older, she's getting prettier. She's got gorgeous hair, a beautiful smile, and amazing bone structure. She pulled her shit together, people! Give her a break!

Is the reason why everyone hates her because she's gorgeous? Because she's generous? Because she's got one of the hottest men in the world dancing to her tune? Whatever. She gives away a third of her income (reportedly), she adopts children a lot of people might overlook, and she donates something way more important than money - she gives her time. She's not just talking about things she wants to change; she's attempting to change them.

I always thought Brad Pitt and whatshername were a mismatch. No matter what she's been doing now (and my God, although I love Clive Owen, Derailed was horrible), she's always going to be that girl from Friends. She's never going to have a career like Katharine Hepburn or Julia Roberts or even Angelina Jolie. She's going to be like Meg Ryan - a solid career in romantic comedies, a few pitiful stabs at drama that leave you shaking your head (exception: Proof of Life, I liked that movie), and then once she reaches a certain age, she'll fade out into the background and get some bad collagen injections. He, on the other hand, has made some pretty crap movies (Troy?), but he's also made some decent ones. He's got an Oscar nom somewhere (not that that means much these days). He's made some great movies these past few years (Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Spy Game) (although, for the love of God, stop with the Ocean's movies. Eleven was great, Twelve was okay, but enough with the damn sequels.). He was a MEGA STAR who just wanted a wife and babies. He seems like a regular guy. Whatshername, on the other hand, never seemed like she wanted anything but a big career. (In case you can't tell, I'm not a Jennifer Aniston fan. She seems fake and she's always annoyed me. I wasn't a big Friends person and the only movie of hers that I've every really, truly enjoyed and sat through more than once was Office Space). I can't blame him like the rest of America for falling in love with someone whose goals and ideas and, dare I say, values, were more like his.

People make mistakes. Maybe he cheated on his wife with her. Maybe they waited until he finally left her. Maybe they're a little overexposed. I don't care. I love them. I think they are incredibly interesting.

Bette Midler Was Totally Drunk

2007-05-23T21:46:00.000-04:00

She had to be, right? I mean, she was singing Wind Beneath My Wings, for christ's sake, to start off. And then her voice cracked in a weird place and she kept flitting around and swinging her hips in a manner that didn't match the song. She had to be trashed. It was like listening to very poor karaoke, to quote Omar.

Baby Sis came to visit this weekend. It was a good time. There are days when I truly enjoy my little sister. Then there are other days, but this weekend was one of the times I really liked her and enjoyed her company.

Jordin Sparks Makes Me Feel Old

2007-05-15T20:45:00.000-04:00

Dude, she talked about how her mom loved Bon Jovi a couple weeks ago. I felt like I was 100. She needs to lose the jheri curls, though.

Veronica Mars is opposite the finale of Idol next week. Omar's going to have rig something up, because I am totally not missing either one. And I wish people would stop booing Simon. He's right, you morons. It's why he makes millions. Jesus Christ.

I talked to my roommate from college tonight, who's got a 6 week old baby. So I'm alternately jealous and horrified of/for her right now.

Sir Mix A Lot just did "baby got back" with Blake and I'm half thrilled and half horrified.

Anyway, she's got that baby and I'm jealous because she's got a baby and she got married before me and now had a baby before me and she didn't even date her husband HALF as long as I dated Omar before she got married. Omar and I are going on nine years together this fall, which just reiterates to me again that I am old. OLD. Elderly. Decrepit. Ancient.

The baby's six weeks old and she's telling me all these horror stories about her delivery and not sleeping and being depressed, etc., and I'm like, "NEVER." Yet, I want a baby so BADLY. Badly enough that I am willing to risk crippling pain and go off the pill in 8 weeks to start trying.

So who the hell knows?

My pick: Jordin and Melinda in the finale, Melinda wins it all. Another American Idol CD I won't buy because the singer is boring. I own Daughtry, Kelly Clarkson and, shame-facedly, the first Clay Aiken release. Nothing else, because I find the rest boring. I've never even heard a single off Taylor Hicks' first CD and Katharine McPhee's first single bored me. I wasn't a Fantasia fan, didn't watch Carrie Underwood's season because I was watching Lost back then and because I was workaholic at The Store and didn't watch the season when Clay and Reuben competed. This is the first time I've watched consecutive seasons of Idol ever. I watched season one, skipped two, watched three, skipped four, watched five and six. We'll see about next year.

Veronica Mars is winding down and I don't know if it's coming back or not next year. Better take what I can get while I can.

Sleep, Perchance Boredom

2007-05-08T20:20:00.000-04:00

Omar fell asleep on the couch last night at 9:30. After Heroes was over, I did the dishes. I didn't feel like watching the news. I had already written in my journal, the one I keep to write in by hand. I had already finished one book and started reading a second. There was nothing on t.v. that interested me. I was bored.

So I went to bed.

Omar was sleeping so I had no one to talk to. I figured I might as well try to sleep. Turns out going to sleep because you're bored is not conducive to a good night's sleep. I tossed and turned for the most part and didn't really get good sleep. I hate that. It makes me cranky and irritable. Today just felt like a long day.

When did Barry Gibb get old? Or rather ancient? I guess I'm so used to Jimmy Fallon's impression that I forget that he is old. He's all gray, practically white, and he has an old man quality to his voice. There's that Sean Connery raspiness to his voice, kind of a lisp. I didn't know he was Scotish.

The Magic of FX

2007-05-02T19:41:00.000-04:00

I don't have to catch a train until past 8 this week, so I've had some time in the mornings to chill out. And I've rediscovered something I completely forgot I love. Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I have seasons 1-5 on DVD. But really, let's be honest, seasons 1 and 2 are so the best. And I miss it in the later seasons where you see some of the crazy shit that happens later on (totally not a Faith fan and Adam as the Big Bad in season 4 was kind of eh, as was the initiative. She needed a better boyfriend than milquetoast Riley). But I've been getting back into it and I just LOVE it again. Now I feel a need for Buffy-Thon 2007. Maybe I can convince baby sis to lend me seasons 6-7 because I can't afford them right now.

What The Hell?

2007-04-24T19:25:00.000-04:00

So I got offered a job today from the phone center (well not so much offered as told I was hired) and I took it. Which is confusing except for the fact that I need this full time job (with its paid vacation days) to look for a new full time job. Which is something my mother clearly doesn't understand, but all Omar cared about was if I was going to get more money (I am). Significantly less than I am worth, but money all the same. So what the hell? Why am I continuing to work in a job that's beneath me? Because I am a whore to the almighty dollar. I like having a car and a roof over my head. And while our financial sitch is by no means desperate, it's not exactly comfy either. So now we're a little bit more comfy and I feel better about that.

In other news, my mother finally got her cast off. And the Red Sox swept the Yankees in a series so fraught with tension I was afraid to turn the channel (but I HAD to go to bed Sunday because I was too tired to stay up and see the end of the game. ESPN sucks. They seriously need to stop showing Sunday night baseball at 8. It needs to be on at 7 so I can still enjoy the game and get my beauty sleep).

Omar and I are going to Capitol Grille for our anniversary. Should be good.

No Words

2007-04-17T20:43:00.000-04:00

It is not often I am speechless, or rather not speechless so much but without the ability to express myself with language. I think we all know by now that I don't have a problem with that.

However, my heart is so broken for the people of Blacksburg, VA and Virginia Tech right now that I literally do not have language or words or anything that comes close to expressing how devastated I am for those poor, defenseless people who had to suffer so needlessly.

My heart is broken for you and I wish for all of you the opportunity to heal and have your peace back. You have my prayers and best wishes and my unending sympathy for your loss. Please be well and be at peace once more.

Bob Lobell is Kind of Stupid

2007-04-16T10:33:00.000-04:00

Omar and I are watching the Boston Marathon on Channel 4. And Bob Lobell is dumb.

We both took Friday and Monday off. I just needed some time to myself after school was finished and we're wrapping up tax season. I'm just wiped out. Totally and completely wiped out. I just wanted to chill out and not think for a few days. And if doing that means I don't get a permanent position at this place, then so be it. I'm getting a job at a law firm this summer no matter what. I've promised myself.

What I Gave Up On

2007-03-30T22:13:00.000-04:00

One of the columnists over at tvguide.com did a blog on the shows that she gave up on because it was just too much to stay involved with them. Which got me thinking.

I recently gave up on Lost. It kind of killed me to do it because I really, really want to know how the whole thing ties up. I never missed an episode (except during the Sox's playoff run in 2004 because it was the FUCKING WORLD SERIES, PEOPLE). But I caught up on the reruns, got myself back together, got really involved. I was a pro Kate/Jack, thought Charlie was annoying, and wanted Locke to just shut up. I thought the hatch was stupid and Ana-Lucia was annoying. I was involved, people. I felt this show. I enjoyed it. But this season...

First, the "fall" season of the seven episodes that ran until October was all "Others" episodes. I had no vested interest in these people. And as cool as Elizabeth Mitchell is (am I the only person who thinks she looks better as a brunette? Am I the only person who saw Frequency?), I would have rather seen Kate or, my personal fave, Sayid. Anyway, it was not interesting.

Then, the uninterrupted second half of the season was just boring. Lost was strictly a TiVo gig, meaning I never watched it live any more. I would let weeks go by before I watched it. I had a ton of episodes saved up on TiVo. So I finally sat down, watched them all, and thought I was back into it. Except I wasn't. I finally deleted the unwatched episodes off the TiVo and canceled the season pass. It's just not worth it to me any more.

So what others have I walked away from? Soaps, clearly. I no longer give a crap about any of them. After making my sister tape an entire season of The X-Files while I lived in England, I didn't watch the last season or two after David Duchovny left. I tried, but the formula of the show was wrong. Scully as believer? The Liquid Terminator as the new doubting skeptic? Freakin' Annabeth Gish as the most pointless character in a television series since Elisabeth Rohm was cast first on Angel, then on Law & Order? No, my friends. It was not for me. Duchovny gave the show such a biting wit and such a presence. You believed in the crazy with him. Without him the show felt cold.

Other things I gave up? Angel. I tried, but once they made Angel's son a teenager and Cordy an evil being, I was like, "see ya." And I thought Fred was beyond irritating. I stopped watching NYPD Blue for a long time, then watched the last episode after not seeing it for years. ER, I totally can't STAND that show any more. When the hell did that show become all about Maura Tierney? I have no idea if it still is or not, but that character drove me batty when it was all about her and the crazy brother and Sally Field doing a modified Sybill. The West Wing, I stopped watching for seasons five and six, but I came back to it for season seven and I will someday rent all those episodes I missed.

What else? I gave up on Melrose Place and 90210 once it became apparent this was just craziness that was never going to end, even when it should have. A whole ton of sitcoms, but I don't consider giving those up as traumatic as giving up dramas. I was never a huge Friends fan, so not watching that for a long time was no big. I also gave up on Invasion (Omar didn't like it and wanted to watch something else). Had they really killed off Michael Vartan, I would have stopped watching Alias, but I had a feeling there was more to that story than meets the eye, so I stuck it out. They rushed the ending of that series so badly, though, that just watching the final season hurts me. JJ Abrams really did his fans a disservice when he abandoned that show so completely.

I also gave up on Profiler, The Practice, and The Sopranos. The first two just got boring, the last was just too violent for me to keep watching.

That's all that I can think of in recent memory that I walked away from recently. The X-Files killed me the most to abandon. I loved that show. It was my favorite. But it was just hard to watch something that was once so brilliant become such a shadow of itself. It was like the last season of Buffy, Alias, and this season of Lost all rolled up into one.

Anyway, I made a stir fry tonight with a kick ass sauce, but I used too much salt and pepper, I didn't have any rice, and I used some BAD zucchini so everything had a very bitter flavor to it once you bit into a zucchini. Not my best effort. Lord knows Omar ate every bite, but I think he's just trying to make me feel better because I'm having one of those low self esteem weeks.

I'm just tired, I guess. I felt fat when I bought pants this week, even though I've lost five pounds. I didn't really get a chance to go grocery shopping this week, so I didn't have the usual salad that I eat every day. I've had a sore jaw and an earache for a week so I finally broker down to see the doctor and her diagnosis was either a sinus infection putting pressure on my ear, or TMJ. I really, really want it to be a sinus infection. It definitely wasn't an ear infection because she said my ears were clear. But, even though I don't feel sick, when she touched my face under my eyes and near my nose (you know, where your sinuses are) there was A LOT of pain. It's funny because they don't hurt unless you put the slightest pressure on them. I have a feeling that it's TMJ because that's how my life works.

Work stuff is too complicated to get into. That's for another night when I'm not ready to drop from exhaustion.

To Catch A Sleazy Reporter

2007-03-23T21:08:00.000-04:00

Seriously, these "To Catch A Predator" shows are freaking HILARIOUS. Omar and I were just commenting how funny it is that the guys shake the reporter's hand when they come in sometimes. There's something sleazy about Chris Hanson, though. He gets too much joy out of reading these perverted emails the "predators" sign. He's kind of skeevy.

Anyway, I don't know what the hell to do about my job. I'm about to finish my course and I really want to work in a law firm. And they haven't offered me a full time position yet. But they're giving me more responsibility there and my Thirsty Thursday supervisor (whom I have since discovered is 24) had me train the new girl for a few hours this week as well as take over some of the stuff he usually does while he's on vacay next week.

So I'm stuck. No full time position and having to look for a job while temping. It's frustrating!!

Tomorrow night we're having some friends of Omar's over for dinner and I'm excited. I'm going to cook! Good stuff too. I'm going to make a grocery list in a few minutes.

Mom has not claimed the vehicle yet. She may not even do it. She's not even in a cast yet because she's still too swollen.

Jonathon Papelbon is going to close again this season and I'm so freaking excited about that I can't even stand it. They have an amazing starting rotation and the bullpen's pretty decent. I really, really wish they hadn't traded Mark Loretta. This Pedroia kid, I'm sure is good, but he's not Mark Loretta who was freaking amazing last season. The guy was unbelievable. I want him back!!

I Hate This New Blogger System

2007-03-13T20:11:00.000-04:00

This system is so freaking stupid. It won't let me skip the "sign on with your Google account" thing anymore so I had to create a Google account. Except you already have to have one. I don't want one. I already have an email address. So I just plugged in my aol account and it took it! These people are fucking whack jobs.

So my mom broke her wrist this morning while she was out doing her usual five mile walk. She slipped on some ice and landed on her wrist. My dad called my sister to tell her and then told her not to call me. What the hell? You know, I take a lot of shit off my parents. I really do. There's things that they say and do that drive me up a wall, things that if I list here will just drive me even more batty than I really feel about this day. So my sister calls me and tells me this at 6:30 this morning. When I couldn't reach my parents at 12:30, I called the hospital where they took my mom and just asked the person at admitting if she was okay. The woman told me she was and I hung up and got on with my day. Not a big deal. Because my parents were fucking obtuse as usual by not calling me, I didn't have any of the information. All I wanted to know was if my mother had hit her head when she fell. Sometimes when you fall you hit your head and you don't know it until you've been given an exam by a doctor. All I wanted to know was if she had hit her head, because that can fuck you up later.

Instead, my parents are inconsiderate as usual, I got all this information second hand until my mom called me and told me she was fine. I asked her if she was okay and she said she was. I asked if she hit her head, she said she hadn't. Then she asked to swap cars with me for the next few weeks because she broke her wrist and drives a stick, so she can't drive it anymore. I told her that was fine. I'm giving my mom my car for an undetermined amount of time and my parents couldn't even be bothered to call me and let me know that a) she was hurt and b) she was okay.

Sometimes I really hate the way my family behaves.

1 Angry Lucy

2007-03-11T21:43:00.000-04:00

I'm all for old movies. I, in fact, adore all movies. 2 movies in my Top 5 are old movies (Casablance, Notorious). However, I do no adore 12 Angry Men. I'm currently watching it for my litigation class in my paralegal course and as jarring as it is to see Jack Warden and EG Marshall not only alive, but very young, it's not my cup of tea.

I find movies where there's just a lot of conversation and not much else happening to be rather dull. This dialogue isn't actually that interesting, although the idea is. Lock 12 men into a sweltering hot room with no a/c or fan and have them debate over whether or not to convict an 18 year old of murder and send him to the chair. Have one person dissent when everyone else thinks he's guilty. There was a Veronica Mars episode based on this, except not.

Anyway, I'm not feeling the love for this movie.

It was a rough weekend. My sister was in a crappy mood at my parents' house, which put me in a crappy mood. We missed the open house we wanted to go to. I had a paper to write for my real estate course, which I hate. And this movie blows because it's not holding my attention.

I'm on a Jane Austen kick, but my collected works is freaking huge and not travel friendly. So I'm needing to go out and get copies of Persuasion and Sense & Sensibility. I'll hold off on the others (I already have Pride and Prejudice) until I'm really in the mood to read the so-called lesser works. Emma drives me bonkers, although not nearly so much as Mansfield Park does. My sister loves Mansfield Park, but I can't stand it. I read it because I love Jane Austen so much I would read anything she wrote. I wish she had written more and I think the world is poorer for the fact she didn't write more. Instead, we get the melodramatics for the Bronte sisters, who, for the love of God, were quite possible crazy. Don't get me wrong, I love Jane Eyre. It's also in the top 5 books of all time (along with Pride and Prejudice, Persuasion, To Kill a Mockingbird, and Anne's House of Dreams, which may not be the best book in the Anne Shirley series, but I like it because it's a bridge between Anne as a young woman with hazy dreams and Anne as an adult with realistic dreams). But I hate Wuthering Heights. I still read it once a year, because it's Wuthering Heights, but I read it because I feel an obligation as an English major to do so. It's why I read Virginia Woolf. I feel obligated. I can't always read crappy stuff. I like to make my brain work every now and then.

Tried to watch Some Like It Hot last night and just felt immeasurably out of touch with it. I used to love that movie. Now, it kind of leaves me cold. There's something manipulative about it. I get that Marilyn Monroe is supposed to be an f'd up floozy, but knowing that she was like that in real life too makes the manipulation of her character Sugar that much more uncomfortable. It's too easy to see Tony Curtis as a sleazebag. He sounds like he's one in real life.

Went and looked at a condo today; the owner was a freaking loon. It was a nice place, but it's a one floor condo with two small bedrooms and not nearly enough storage. The owner said it's 1200 square feet, but I don't think she's right about that. We have 1100 here (probably closer to 900 because I think my landlord is liar) and that place was a lot smaller than this one.

Seriously, this movie is so not what I'm interested in. But it's homework, so here we go.